“You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout I’m tellin’ you why,
Santa Claus is coming… over there to kick your fucking ass if you try curling in the squat rack one more time you little bitch. Hey broski, you done with that bench over there? Ol’ Saint Nick has to rip a set real quick. GAINZ SEASON BABY. Who needs to slide down a chimney when you can just tear the fucking roof off that bitch? PROTEIN.”
I’ll tell you what. Big Bad Santa better hope there’s no random drug testing this holiday season. Because it’s more believable that Santa Claus is real than Big Bad Santa crushing 635 on the deadlift without any kind of supplements. This is the Santa Claus that we need though. This is the Santa that America deserves. We’ve got children all over the world who look up to this guy. Santa can’t just be some fat ass who eats milk and cookies all the time, only works one night a year and lays around playing with toys for the rest of them. Santa needs to be in the gym. He needs to be maxing out on a daily basis. Those cookies better be made with whey and that milk better be mixed into a protein shake. Santa isn’t keeping a naughty or nice list anymore. He’s got an ass kicking list and that’s all.
“Everybody wants to be a body builder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy ass weights” – Ronnie Coleman” – Santa Claus.