Live EventELECTRIC CHAIR: Penguins VS. Islanders LIVE from Florida - Presented by LaBatt Blue LightWatch Now

This Chick With A Tinder Profile That's Just Her Narrating Three Stray Dogs Fucking Is An Instant Classic

After over a year and a half doing this Tinder roundup of ours, it’s hard to throw me a total curveball that I haven’t seen before. But this chick did indeed do just that. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me appreciate the never-say-die attitude of a dog trying to get a nut off. Any chick who can make three stray dogs fucking in the middle of a jog into something teetering on the brink of performance art is golden in my book. All the right swipes for her and especially for Timmy the Facefucking Dog, bless his problem solving heart.

And hey it’s another week of the internet’s preeminent Tinder blog. Every week hundreds of people send in submissions and it’s amazing and great and I’m oh so grateful and thankfully The Chive was this week too:

They can steal our screenshots…but they will never take…our #SpagsPromise! Thanks to the folks who continue to sending things in and tell friends and make this the best lil dating blog around. Follow me on Twitter, DM in your screenshots, fuck The Chive, and let’s get to it!

RU

(via RU)

JM-listeniwontsayAnnCoulterdoesnthvaesomevalidpoints

Listen despite whatever political views are at play here I won’t deny Ann Coulter has some valid points (via JM)

A-probablynotthebestideatodropthisbiowhenyouactuallylooklikeaneasterneuropeanwarcriminal

Probably not the best idea to drop this bio when you actually look like an Eastern European refugee (via A)

JM1

JM2-saywhatyouwillbutibetherTumblrpageisahellofaread

Say what you will but I bet her Tumblr page is a hell of a read (via JM)

TB

(via TB)

MA1

MA2-oncebettylostarchietoveronicathingsgotrealweird

Once Betty lost Archie to Veronica her life took a big turn for the weirder (via MA)

P-lifeonlypresentsyousomanychancestomakelovetoanIcelandicolympicswimmerwithaMartianname

Life only presents you so many chances to make love to an Icelandic Olympic swimmer with a Martian name (via P)

EC-theremaybeacorrelationbetweenthesetwoconceptsinherbio

There may be a correlation between these two concepts in her bio (via EC)

T

(via T)

PM-INSERTDUSTYRHODES

Seems like the American Dream to me

rhodes_dusty_display_image.0

*shouts to the two of you out there who’ll be in on this joke (via PM)

DZ-inherdefenseitwouldbeweirdifshelikedherdickslongandthin

In her defense it would be weird if she preferred her dicks to be long and thin (via DZ)

NN-ibelieveherbasedsolelyonhercheeks

I believe her based solely upon her cheeks (via NN)

ML

(via ML)

J-chicagostaywinninin2016

Chicago stay winnin in 2016 (via J)

KS1

KS2-honestlythisseemslikethenicestcleanestthreesomeyoucouldfindonTinder

Honestly this seems like the nicest and cleanest threesome you could find on Tinder (via KS)

KC-nicetoseeherembraceherdestinysofully

Nice to see her embrace her destiny so fully (via KC)

AS-asappealingascondomlesssexsoundsifinditshockingthatshewouldeataburgerraw

As appealing as condomless sex sounds I find it shocking and appalling that she eats burgers raw (via AS)

CK-top10hottest19yearoldsaliveright

Has to be in the top 10 hottest 19 year olds alive right? (via CK)

J-imaginealltheotherthingstheycoulddoinsynchronicity

Imagine all the other things they could do in synchronicity (via J)

JA-thatisrentirelytoomanyexclamationpointsforaherpesdeclaration

That is entirely too many exclamation points for a herpes declaration (via JA)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones….

NF-HOTNSFWthespagspromiseverysetofseethroughnipsonallthedatingappseveniftheyrenihilist

The #SpagsPromise: Every set of see through nips on all the dating apps, even if they’re nihilist nips (niphilist?) (via NF)

PD-HOTNSFWdallasbumblebringingsomespagspromiseHEAT

Dallas Bumble bringing some #SpagsPromise HEAT (via PD)

AM-HOTNSFWINSERTGIFOFBOMBS

(via AM)

TC-HOTNSFWspagspromiseandchokersgotogetherlikepeanutbutterandjelly

The #SpagsPromise and chokers go together like Frostys and french fries: Unexpected. Delicious. (via TC)

CD-HOTNSFW

(via CD)

JJ1-HOTNSFW

JJ2-HOTNSFWlotgoingonherebutiwasamusedbysomeofthatbio

Lot going on here but I have to admit I was amused by some of that bio (via JJ)

MP-HOTNSFWthefaintestpossiblespagspromisetryingtomakeyoupressyournoseuponyourscreen

The faintest but pierced #SpagsPromise, trying to make you press your nose up on your screen (via MP)

ZH-HOTNSFWidonotspendenoughtimeinhospitalswithallthesehotnursesgoingaroundherelately

I do not spend enough time in hospitals based on all the hot nurses we’ve had going around here lately (via ZH)

JW-HOTNSFWspagspromisefromalongtermrelationshipseakingnakeddancermakessense

A #SpagsPromise from a long term relationship-seeking naked dancer, totally makes sense (via JW)

MM-HOTNSFWnothinglikeagentlespreadingofyourcheekstoestablishwhatyouareallaboutasalady

Nothing like a gentle spreading of your cheeks to establish what you’re all about as a lady (via MM)

AB-HOTNSFWhonestlykindofrudethatoldrowdoesntsharethesechickswithusaspartofourrelationship

Kind of rude that Old Row doesn’t share these chicks with us as part of our relationship (via AB)

ECS-forasecondithoughtthisSpagsPromisewasErinOlashandmyheartskippedabeat

For a second I thought this #SpagsPromise was Erin Olash and my heart skipped a beat #bringbackolash (via ECS)

JB-HOTNSFWyourcompetitionfortheweekisahelpfulreminderthatyoucanprettymuchdowhateverifyoureadecentlookinginshapedudeanditllwork

Your competition for the week is a helpful reminder that you can do pretty much whatever if you’re a decent looking in shape dude and it’ll work (via JB(

SSH-HOTNSFWablackandblackandwhitespagspromise

A black and black and white #SpagsPromise (via SSH)

JM-iwouldsayHoeyalsoworks

I would say Hoe-y also works (via JM)

PP-HOTNSFWofcourseabreastfeedingchickwouldsayherjobisKilloyatFeminism

Of course an in-your-face breastfeeding chick would say her job is “Killjoy at Feminism” (via PP)

H-HOTNSFWiamunclearonifsamisrealbutidontwantoliveinaworldinwhichsheisnot

I am unclear on if Sam is real but I also do not want to live in a world in which she is not (via H)

And there you have it, another week in the books. Make sure to follow me on Twitter and DM in your screenshots, listen to the last test episode of Swipe Drunk Love if you haven’t yet (and pray that Pres gives us the greenlight soon so my life can have purpose again), and happy swiping!