How Is Floorball Not An Olympic Sport Yet?
So the International Floorball Federation World Championships are currently going down in Latvia right now. Barstool Sports [dot] com has a long, storied history of sending bloggers over to Latvia so I wouldn’t mind heading overseas to catch the finals at all. But some of you right now might be seeing Floorball for the first time. Essentially it’s just exactly what it looks like. It’s floor hockey but the difference is in the equipment. The ball is not much different than a slightly sturdier wiffle ball. And the stick blades are made out of plastic which are designed to easily pick up and handle the ball. If you play ice hockey and your dangles are extra silky, then you’d have a field day playing Floorball. It’s why stick handling legend Pavel Barber (@HeyBarber on Twitter and Instagram) is actually playing for the Canadian team at this tournament right now. Here he is scoring his first goal with the team against Singapore.
But yeah, here’s this beautiful game and almost nobody knows about it. Which is bullshit because if fake sports like handball, badminton and basketball can all be in the Olympics, then why can’t Floorball? And it almost makes too much sense. Everybody knows that the Summer Olympics are the worst because there’s no hockey in them. If it were up to popular opinion, we’d just get rid of the Summer Olympics and have 2 Winter Olympics every 4 years. But now we can just throw Floorball into the mix in the summer time and it’s almost just as good. Great news is that the United States team is already as saucy as they come.
One-handed, behind-the-back drop pass right on the door step for a goal? Good googly moogly. Nothing like pouring a little more salt in the open wound in the middle of a rout against Canada. Suck a fat one, ya Canucks.
The penalty shots are certified panty droppers.
Also–the most important question of them all… Does Floorball need enforcers? Well I think we all know the answer to that one.
Moral of the story is let’s get Floorball in the Olympics or let’s at least get some more leagues going here in the US. Or everybody can just go back to not knowing this game exists. Either way works.