So this happens around Christmas time every year, Christmas music starts playing at CVS and everyone loves joking about how this song’s rapey and giving lectures on consent as soon as the first note drops. Guess what?
I’m sick of it! Along with “Fairytale of New York,” this is my favorite Christmas song and I’m tired of seeing it slandered.
This song’s not about sexual assault, it’s about a man trying to prevent some idiot chick from putting out the cigarette killing herself by going into the stormy night. Frank Loesser didn’t write this shit yesterday, he wrote it in 1944. So he’s not preventing the lovely lady from walking out the door to her Uber, he just doesn’t feel like cranking the model T. It’s fucking freezing outside and he’s saving her life by not letting her take on the treacherous roads because he doesn’t want to trudge down to the end of the lane and dig her out when she inevitable veers into a snowbank.
Mind you, on top of there not being Ubers or AAA in the 1940s, it was also a time when women weren’t born as smart as men. Ask any guy from then, they’ll tell ya. Sure, their evolution has caught up now and we’re all born equal, but back in the day women were just a little about a Barbie doll. You know how sometimes your dog wants to eat your chocolate and you have to be like, “No, you idiot, this will kill you,” well that’s what it was like dealing with this woman while she looked out the window. As much as she wanted it, she had to be protected from herself and told she wouldn’t last a second on Ice Road Truckers. That sound like a sexual predator to you? Sounds like a life-saving hero if you ask me.