Of Course Domino's In Japan Are Training Reindeer To Deliver Pizzas During Snowstorms
Consumerist- When the weather gets rough, you may be more tempted to order food for delivery. But what about the delivery person left battling the elements to bring you your grub? Domino’s Japan thinks it has just the antlered, four-legged solution. The chain announced in a press release (h/t CNBC) that in an effort to combat the snowy weather winter brings, it’s training reindeer to make deliveries. This way, even if there’s a road blocked by snow, the sturdy animals will be able to make it through and make sure customers won’t have to go without pizza.
Domino’s says it’s teamed up with the Research Center of Hokkaido to make sure the animals are safe, and that they’re only carrying as much weight as they can bear, as far as they can carry it. Each animal is equipped with a GPS tracker so employees can monitor its progress, just like they would a normal delivery. A video from the company shows the animal being led around a parking lot with delivery boxes attached to its back that then slide off as the animal gets going faster, so it looks like Domino’s staffers had their work cut out for them. That being said, reindeer deliveries are expected to start Dec. 1 — if the animals decide to cooperate, that is.
If this video was shot in any other country on the planet, I would immediately call bullshit. I would say that Jimmy Kimmel was setting up some cutesy, elaborate prank and got Domino’s on board as a sponsor to ensure a nice Christmas bonus for him and his staff. But since this is weird, requires a shitload of technology, and is in Japan, it is probably 100% real. And you know what? I fucking love it. Nobody likes ordering delivery in the snow and having to worry about the delivery guy getting to your house in one piece. Partially because he is a human with feelings and probably a family and friends. But mostly because then you will have to order the food again and wait for it as the snow continues to pile up. Plus the harder the snow comes down, the more you have to tip. That’s just common courtesy.
But with this reindeer delivery system, I could probably just give this silly yet probably smelly son of a bitch a carrot (even though there obviously not many carrots hanging around the Casa de Clem) and I’d have a food orgy of pizza, cheesy bread, and lava cakes to devour during a blizzard. If the reindeer dies, it dies. But at least I will know how far I have to trek in the snow thanks to my trusty Domino’s GPS app if I am really desperate for pizza. And if I have to cut open the reindeer and sleep inside its body as the storm passes by like Han and Luke in The Empire Strikes Back, so be it. Nobody gives a shit about non-flying, non-magical reindeer anyway.
Then again, that entire video could have been people saying “Look at those stupid Americans actually believing that we are going to have a reindeer deliver pizzas” in Japanese and I would be none the wiser. Just like the Koreans in the nail salon from Seinfeld. Can’t believe it took me this long to realize that this was what is likely happening here.
P.S. This dude did a terrible job hiding his “I am bringing so much shame to my family by working as a developer to help reindeers deliver pizza in Bumblefuck, Japan” face. Trust me, I know that face. It comes in the Smut Blogger Beginner Kit.