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I Started Apartment Shopping In NYC And Now I'm Suicidal

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It’s been almost a decade since I left the city I grew up in for Los Angeles, and I’m back.

I’d been Zillowing and Streeteasying and Craigslisting for an apartment, when I accidentally searched Manhattan, Kansas instead of Manhattan, New York and instantly wanted to kill myself.

No, that’s a lie; first, I got super excited when I saw this:


And then suspicious, so I looked up here:

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And then, as you can probably guess if you watched that geography test I failed last week, I was shocked a Manhattan, Kansas even existed.

I quickly looked away, like when you Google Image Trypophobia and you can’t even look at the screen because once the images completely embed in your brain it’ll be too late and it’s totally not worth it, like getting herpes from a rando you fuck once and never even see again, so you erratically hit your mouse with your eyes shut tight hoping that it closes the browser, only you don’t really know if you’ve been successful or not because you can’t open your eyes to check because then your eyes would never forgive you because herpes from a rando so you just keep doing this for a while until finally you convince yourself you can squint your eyes, opening them just barely, to see that yes somehow you did manage to get rid of the horrid images.

Anyway I changed the “KS” to “NY” and continued my search. For comparison, this is what you can get for the price of that house, in NYC:

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And then I wanted to kill myself.