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Jordie's Movember Update: Thanksgiving Week

A few weeks I wrote a blog titled “How To Handle Movember If You’re A Little Bitch Like Myself And Can’t Grow Facial Hair”. Since then, I’ve done my research and have found that 1 in every 8 men nationwide suffer from male pattern facial-baldness. So where you are right now, just stop and look around. At least one of the guys around you physically can’t grow a good beard. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s Steve in accounting. Regardless, it’s a real issue. But I wasn’t going to let a little face-baldness stop me from raising awareness for causes such as Prostate Cancer, Testicular Cancer and mental health issues affecting men. Which is why I’m powering through this Movember despite the man obstacles in my way. So after 3 full weeks down, here’s what I’m working with so far.

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Oh shit. Whaddup, ladies?

If you’ve been following along my journey for the past few weeks, you will have recognized a drastic improvement from Week 1. Hell, I think I even look like a new man from Week 2 as well. With that being said, however, I fear that I may have reached my plateau. I’ve never been able to grow something that almost resembles a real life mustache like this before. Granted, it’s still nothing to write home about but it almost looks like I graduated high school at this point. I just don’t know how much more it can grow before the end of the month.

The true test comes 2 days from now. I’ve already conceited to the fact that my mother will exile me from the family when I show up to Thanksgiving dinner like this. But I’ve got a few cousins with little tykes of their own these days. Could you blame them if they force me to stay in a completely different room from their kids at all times on Thursday? I think they would be well within their rights to do so. But here I am. A man willing to put his family relationships on the line just in the name of #content. Not all heroes wear capes. Some just rock a mean pedo stache.

Wawa Order of the Week: 

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We’re 2 days away from Thanksgiving. You’d have to be higher than a kite to think I wouldn’t be picking up a Gobbler today in preparation for Thursday’s debauchery. For those of you who have been living under Iraq for your whole life, the Wawa Gobbler is Thanksgiving dinner on a sandwich. I’m sure that most of you have made this yourselves for years on Black Friday with all of your leftovers. But Wawa does it all for you. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce all smothered in gravy. It’s a got dang aphrodisiac.

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Now as is the case with everything from Wawa, presentation doesn’t mean jack shit. Obviously it’s going to be hastily thrown together and look like if somebody threw up Thanksgiving dinner onto a crusty roll. But you take one bite into this bad boy and it’s like you’re falling in love for the very first time. It’s life changing. Makes you want to be a better person and appreciate everything in the world around you. I genuinely weep for those in the world who will never have the opportunity or privilege to devour one of these. Truly life’s finest creation.

Sweater of the Week: 

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Since the Native Americans gave us Thanksgiving, I thought it was only right to break out the Winter Classic Stan Mikita Blackhawks sweater. I made a slight modification by throwing a white lace in the collar instead of the black lace it came with. Thought it made the jersey pop a little more. It’s missing the Winter Classic patch on the chest but other than that, it’s a total beauty.

Final Grades: 

Stache: B+

Wawa: A+