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I want to get verified on Twitter. It's not that easy.


I recently applied to get verified on Twitter and got denied. There’s probably 2 things going on here- Either they just don’t think I’m good enough for them to be verified or my birthday is fucked up. I’m an optimistic guy so for the sake of this blog we’ll go with the latter. My birthday is August 11th, 1996 and it simply will not let me put that on my profile. It will let me put August 11th, 1995, but when I enter in 1996 it will only let me choose from January, February, March, and April. Twitter literally has no support via email or phone. All they have is a support page online, and a support account with millions of followers.Neither of which provides answers to my problems. I may have to head to their NYC offices.

I really don’t care about the principle of being verified. It’s more just what comes along with it. Kinda like when you win your little league championship that you don’t really care about cause you played like 10 innings all season, but your still excited for the pizza party afterwards.

I need to be verified for 2 reasons. The first being that a man of my stature isn’t all too attractive to the ladies. I need whatever I can get in my corner for success. Usually when I go to the bar I’ll just chill back and watch my sweet action lose, and girls will just walk past me like I’m Ebenezer Scrooge getting a tour from the Ghost of Christmas Present. But that blue check mark will (maybe) change the game to my favor. You see a blue check and it adds in allure to yourself. “Who is this stud and what great philanthropic work did he do to achieve that blue check?”, they must think. The second reason would be other verified accounts getting notified when I follow them. What if Emily Ratajkowski or Niykee Heaton have had a bad string of dates with some real macho dudes with washboard abs and finally want to settle down with a nice guy. That’s where I come in. I lowkey unfollow them, then re-follow them, they get notified and think “Wow, whose this Glennyballs character? Let’s investigate”. And Boom, They like my style and within a couple of months I’m engaged to Emily Ratajkowski…all thanks to the blue check.

As you can tell I’m fienin for this verification. If anyone knows how to fix the problem with my birthday not working please contact me on Twitter. Hopefully I’ll have a blue check when I write my next blog.