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I Know I'm A Simple Idiot Because The New Light-Up Comcast Remote Absolutely Fascinates Me

I’ve never pretended to be a genius, I don’t read books and when the bill comes for dinner I ask someone to fill out my tip for me (I do it under the guise of “I don’t even care how much it was!  What’s money? Who cares what it costs!” but really, I just don’t know how to do the math), but this is without a doubt the simplest I’ve ever felt.

I’m home for Thanksgiving now and my parents have the new Comcast remote and it’s one of the most amazing pieces of technology I’ve ever dealt with in my life. Phones are cool, GPS is pretty sweet, a microwave is amazing, and self-parking cars can make life a little easier, but this light-up clicker is downright mesmerizing. I don’t have to touch it hard, I don’t have to grab it in a certain place, it just knows to illuminate the moment it feels my touch. How’s it know? I haven’t the faintest idea, but I’m obsessed with it.

Last night I started watching Westworld finally and I think I’m gonna have to re-watch every episode because I missed half of them while I was too focused on that incredible clicker. Every time I picked it up to hit play on a new ep I’d spend the next 30 minutes placing it down just so I can pick it up again and make the pretty lights go off. You ever see the video of the monkey witnessing a magic trick?

That’s me every time that remote goes off, pure wonder and astonishment. Can’t wait until Thanksgiving dinner when everyone has to go around and say what they’re thankful for and I say a goddamn TV remote control.

PS – You can talk into it too but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that just yet. I don’t even like talking to people, let alone robots.