This Girl Who's Passed The Fuck Out In Every Pic On Her Tinder Bio Is A Hilariously Aggressive Move

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Say what you will about this chick but there’s no denying her branding is strong as fuck here. She’s not the girl you bring home to mom, she’s not the girl you buy that last vodka-tonic for when she’s demanding it angrily as she slurs that she “knows how much she had,” but she’s the wild chick whom you’ll have a crazy night with and then have to awkwardly put in a cab after spending $100+ on trying to win her heart. As long as you know that going in, it’s all upside. No pressure with trying to hook up because if you even attempted it once she heads into the danger zone you’re squarely into Bill Cosby territory. There’s a decent chance she may just need to get tested for narcolepsy but a girl who’s a good time is a girl who’s a good time. Props to her for finding comfort in the world around her, inspirational really. (via WC)

And ooooh just like that Spags back at it again with another Tinder blog. There was another test episode of our dating podcast Swipe Drunk Love this week with Smitty, Alyssa Jade, and me and things got pretty colorful about cuffing season, Glenny Balls getting it in, and whether I’m a sociopath or not. I’m pretty happy with how this came out so please give it a listen while you read this blog. Double the Spags double the pleasure, we all know that:

Keep listening so we can hopefully turn it into a real thing, we’ll fire it up again live after Thanksgiving. And of course thanks to the folks who sent in screenshots, follow me on Twitter and DM in yours, and now let’s get to our main event of this evening:

DOD-INSERTTEHPENGUINOFDOOM

I liked her better when she wrote this

Screen Shot 2016-11-18 at 3.07.46 PM

(via DOD)

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SPT2-thisweeksGirlWhollSayHerFriendsMadeThisProfileForHerAndAskToBeTakenDown

This week’s girl who’ll say her friends made this profile for her and ask to be taken down (via SPT)

N-INSERTALABAMAMAN

(via N)

ECS-hottestarmlesschickeveroranopticalillusion

Hottest armless chick ever or an optical illusion? I’d really like to know (via Ecs)

J-stickitinheranusforkony2012

Stick it in the ass for Kony 2012 (via J)

BM-cheerleadersonbumblesunrisesunset

Cheerleaders on Bumble, sunrise sunset (via BM)

AG

(via AG)

DS-classicUCLAscum

Classic UCLA scum (sorry it’s rivalry week for USC) (via DS)

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J2-herdadmusthavebeensooverjoyedatthenews

Her dad must have been overjoyed at the news and being in this profile (via J)

G-memesandsportsculturegettinglumpedinwithsomebadhombreshere

Memes and sports culture getting lumped in with some bad hombres here (via G)

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C2-sorrytripodshortguysyourgirthybuteffectivedickswillbeofnoassistancehere

Sorry tripod short guys but your girthy but effective dicks will be of no assistance here (via C0

JG-whydidthedeafgirlonlywanttofuckblackguysbecausewhensheturnsthelightsoffanditslikefuckinganinvisibleman

Why did the deaf girl only want to fuck black guys? Because when the lights turn off it was like fucking a ghost (via JG)

SLC-neitheraspectofthisbioisrelatabletomylifeinanyway

Neither aspect of this bio is relateable to my life in any way (via SLC)

MM-shemaynotwannadomidgetfetishshitbutibetmistybeinganoutgoingLSUlittlepersonforsurefucks

She may not wanna do midget fetish shit but I bet Misty being an outgoing LSU little person means she for sure fucks, just don’t let her know you’re that into it and you’re gucci (via MS)

yab-lookslikethoseshroomsgotherreadyforthebonezone

Looks like those shrooms got her ready for the Bone Zone (via Yab)

JD-shutupjanelle

Shut up Janelle (via JD)

JR-thisweeksreminderatransgirlmaybehotterthanmostofyourexes

This week’s reminder a trans girl may be prettier than most of your exes (via JR)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

WS-HOTNSFW

(via WS)

ZH-HOTNSFWthespagspromiseeverysetofseethroughnipsoneverydatingappwillbeinthisblogbeforeallissaidanddone

The #SpagsPromise, every set of see through nips on every dating app will be in this blog before all is said and done (via ZH)

LP-HOTNSFWiwontsithereandpretendan18yearoldSpagsPromisedoesntmakeitslightlyhotter

I won’t sit here and pretend an 18-year-old #SpagsPromise doesn’t make it wayyy hotter (via LP)

AS-HOTNSFWwhenpairedwithaqualityfarawaybuttshotyesthosesounddelightful

When paired with a quality far away butt shot, yes those sound delightful (via AS)

CC-HOTNSFWlovethischickbecauseshesgotabangingbodybutibetshekeepsithiddenallthetimethenbreaksitoutanditslikeWHAM

love this chuck because she’s got a banging body but I bet she keeps it hidden all the time then breaks it out and it’s like WHAM (via CC)

VDC-HOTNSFWfunfactwomenareinherentlybetteratpaddleboardingbecausetheirbodytypesmaketheirweightmoreevenlydistributed

Fun fact: Women are inherently better at paddle boarding because their body types make their weight more evenly distributed. I learned this from a black dude on an island renting paddle boards so I’m pretty sure it’s legit (via VDC)

JW-HOTNSFWjesuschriswiththecolombianass

Jesus Christ with the Colombian ass (via JW)

AN-HOTNSFWthehighestofpraiseagirlcanhaveisthatshirt

The highest of praise a girl can have is that shirt (via AN)

ET-HOTNSFWgottawonderifthisisanexoticdancerSpagsPromiseornot

Gotta wonder if this is an exotic dancer’s #SpagsPromise (via ET)

M-HOTNSFWwhenthetittiessobigyougottagetputintheNSFWsection

When the titties so big you unfairly get put in the NSFW section (via M)

DS-HOTNSFWsubtletyisanart

Subtlety is an art (via DS)

CD-HOTNSFWikindalovedthetexasnesshereuntilisawshes34comeonladygetittogether

I kinda loved the Texasness here until I saw she’s 34…come on lady get it together (via CD)

MS-HOTNSFWspagsapprovedsocialfollowoftheweekyoumaybeabletoguesswhy

Spags-approved social media follow of the week…you may be able to guess why (via MS)

CRG-HOTNSFWalittleDumbandDumberbangsspagspromise

A little Dumb and Dumber bangs #SpagsPromise (via CRG)

KH-HOTNSFWkentuckygirltittiesarethestatessecondbestresourcebehindwhiskey

Kentucky girl titties are the state’s second best resource behind whiskey (via KH)

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CC2-HOTNSFWwaytodefyexpectationsutahproudofu

Way to defy expectations, proud of you (via CC)

GJ-HOTNSFWcalldatassricearonibecauseitsasanfranciscotreat

Call dat ass Rice-A-Roni because it’s a San Francisco treat and I’d eat it until I get e.coli (via GJ)

C-HOTNSFWwhenthebootypoppinsohardthatyoucanttellwhatethnicitysheis

When the booty poppin so hard that you can’t tell what ethnicity she is (via C)

GH-HOTNSFWdangerouslyclosetoweirdnakedterritorybutacouplewinnersthere

Dangerously close to “weird naked” territory but there are a couple winners there (via GH)

There we have it, another week of the Tinder roundup in the books. Follow me and DM in your screenshots, listen to this week’s Swipe Drunk Love and hit me up with feedback, and happy swiping!