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I Want To Hate On These Unicycle Football Hipster Hardos So Bad But I Simply Can't

Everything in my blood wants to hate this. Every bit of instinct, intuition, and willpower wants to mentally punt wheels directly out from every one of these first ballot HOF hipsters. But I can’t. I don’t care if they collectively couldn’t name a single NFL player, I tip a fedora in their honor. And it’s the little things that make it magical. Belt buckles instead of Championship Rings. Beer in lieu of water. They substitute the coin toss with a joust for fuck’s sake. That’s amazing. But it’s no surprise they gotta find something football related to help relate to society. This is Texas. The only thing cut harder than these goobers from football teams was themselves while wallowing in their high school melancholy. So why not saddle up and create a fake game where unicycle nerds and fans of piercings in non-piercable places can prosper? Can’t hate just cause you don’t relate.

I don’t know how you become the official announcer for the Unicycle Football League, and quite frankly I don’t want to know. SOLID nickname/hat/Brownie patches combo.

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h/t Ian