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This Hockey Chick Is Being Way Too Candid On Tinder But Dudes Probably Still Give Her Exactly What She Wants

cunts

So here’s the thing: I hate this girl. Hate anyone who subverts the process of going on these apps with the intention to meet interesting people and see where things go. And the thing that sucks is she’s dead serious, was 100% straightforward, and guys will see that bio and STILL send her food or do whatever she wants because they think it’s all a joke and they’ll still get underneath that oversized hockey sweater. And instead, she’s just gonna be cashing in on free food from chumps who’ll expend the $20 and two seconds of effort and those dudes won’t even get a sniff of that ass. It’s fair ball, I respect her for not misleading anyone, but she sucks and I hope she ends up on the business end of a zamboni for it all.

And here we are in yet another week of the internet’s preeminent Tinder roundup. The big update this week was that the much-discussed test dating podcast Swipe Drunk Love with Smitty, Alyssa Rose and I went up and we felt really good about how it turned out especially from 30 min on. Listen to it while you read the blog, double the Spags double the pleasure:

We’re gonna do it again live next week, I think Tuesday, so keep an eye on my Twitter for more details. The feedback and support from the first go-round has been great and we really want this to be an official thing. And of course send in your screenshots to me via DM, there is no Tinder blog without you guys finding quality. Now let’s get to it.

J-murderingBabarisnotwhatiwouldconsiderfunpersonally

Murdering Babar is not what I would consider fun personally (via J)

KW-iguessifyouvegotkilometersonyourprofiledroppingcuntbombsisnotanissue

I guess if you’ve got kilometers on your profile dropping cunt bombs on there is not an issue (via KW)

TR-choosymomschooseJifforassholepeanutbutter

Choosy moms choose Jif for asshole peanut buttering (via TR)

TB1

TB2-brodoyourselfafavorandstaymissing

Bro do yourself a favor and stay missing (sorry if this dude is really missing) (via TB)

RR

(via RR)

AB-lessbumblecheerleaderslatelybuttheyvestillgotTVpersonalitychicksonthehook

Less Bumble cheerleaders lately but they’ve still got TV personality chicks on lock (via AB)

RP-thisisnotinaccurateotherthanimplyingAmySchumerishotatall

This is not inaccurate other than implying Amy Schumer is hot at all (via RP)

AP-thatiswaytooprettyofagirltobesoexcitedtobecouplesphotoposingwithDave

That is way too pretty of a girl to be so excited about a photo opp posing with Pres, his face here even seems to be thinking the same thing (via AP)

JKS1

JKS2-asianpussyirrationalconfidencewhoknewthatwasathing

Asian pussy irrational confidence huh? Who knew that was a thing (via JKS)

Cri-shekindalookslikeLoisGriffinIRLandimVERYinonit

She kinda looks like Lois Griffin IRL and I’m VERY in on it (via Cri)

DS-ohifonlytherewereaplaceotbuysuchaflagLINKTOSAFTBFLAG

Oh if only there were a reputable place to buy such a flag (via DS)

KH-itsjustwhatadeadgorillawouldhavewantedbringsateartomyeye

It’s just what a dead gorilla would have wanted, brings a tear to my eye (via KH)

AT-itoowouldfinditverytherapeutictorideher

I too would find it very therapeutic to ride her, can confirm (via AT)

BW

(via BW)

A-suchasanfrancisconutritionchicksphoto

Such a San Francisco nutrition chick photo to have (via A)

RB-ifyouregonnabeanunrepentantgolddiggerthatsahellofawaytodoit

If you’re gonna be an unrepentant gold digger that’s a hell of a way to go about business (via RB)

CDG-thisweeksreminderthattranswomenwhoarealsomakeupartistsisaveryunfairadvantage

This week’s reminder that trans women who are also make up artists is a very unfair advantage (via CDG)

JD-annieareyouokareyouokannie

Annie are you okay? Are you okay Annie? (via JD)

DS1

DS2-ifshesentnudesyoudprettymuchhavetoscreengrabitandconnectthedots

If she sent nudes you’d pretty much have to screengrab it and be a connect the dots guy (via DS)

TV-whatyoulackinphysicalflawsyoumakeupforinemotionalones

What you lack in physical flaws you make up for in emotional ones (via TV)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

BC-HOTNSFWthespagspromiseevrysetofseethroughnipsoneverydatingappnomatterhowmuchtheytrytosneakbyme

The #SpagsPromise, every set of see through nips on every dating app no matter how much they try to sneak by me (via BC)

CMH-themudmayhavebeentoughbutthespagspromiseistougher

The mud may have been tough but the #SpagsPromise is tougher (via CMH)

MW-HOTNSFWiwasnotgoodatbiologyinschoolbutthisgirlsbiologywouldhavebeenagreatmotivationaltool

I was not good at biology in school but learning about this girl’s anatomy might have been a helpful motivational tool (via MW)

CC-HOTNSFW18yearoldbuttsHEARTEYEEMOJI

18 year old butts Screen Shot 2016-11-11 at 3.22.43 PM(via CC)

RK-HOTNSFWohyeahthiskidsgonnadogreat

Oh yeahhhh this kid’s gonna turn out great (via RK)

LC-HOTNSFWthisweeksreminderyoudprobablysmackatransbooty

This week’s reminder you’d probably smack a trans booty and not be happy with all the parts that jiggle (via LC)

BI-HOTNSFWthatisaMASSACREofabikinifora39yearoldchickisdynamite

That is a MASSACRE of a bikini for a 39-year-old chick, this woman is dynamite (via BI)

TG-HOTNSFWthespagspromisefromtheUpsideDowninStrangerthings

A #SpagsPromise from the Upside Down in Stranger Things (via TG)

JMK-HOTNSFWyessirthatisquitethebuttiwouldlikeonmyfacenodenyingthat

That is in fact the perfect face sitting butt (via JMK)

ER-HOTNSFWbigweekforOldRowbigweek

Big week for our boys at Old Row, big week (via ER)

DY-HOTNSFWspagsapprovedsocialmediafollowoftheworkheretrustmeyouknowilikeembritishheavyhangersLINK

My personally approved social media follow of the week here…trust me, you know I like those British heavy hangers (via DY)

AT-HOTNSFW

(via AT)

Hk-HOTNSFWnotabigtatsguybutTheSpagsPromisehereisstrongenoughtomakemereconsidermyworldviews

I’m not a big tats guy but the #SpagsPromise here is strong enough to make me reconsider my world views (btw absurd amount of see through nips incoming this week, we’ll get through it) (via HK)

MH-HOTNSFWyourcompetitionfortheweekchosearealaggressivedickblockingfruitevenwithstereotypesconsidered

Your competition for the week chose a real aggressive dick blocking fruit even with stereotypes considered (via MH)

PL-HOTNSFWblackspagspromisesmatter

Black #SpagsPromises matter (via PL)

MOB-HOTNSFWanotherspagsapprovedsocialmediafollowherechickdropsBOMBS

Another personally approved social media follow here, chick drops BOMBS (via MOB)

JW-HOTNSFWthismustbelikethatchickwhocouldntgetoutofthebathduetohermassivetits

This must be that chick who couldn’t get out of the bath due to her massive tits (via JW)

JS-HOTNSFWivemadejokesaboutchickwhoareablackguygirlbutthischickisredefiningBlackGuyGirl

I’ve made jokes about chicks who are clearly “black guy girls” but this chick is redefining the game (via JS)

K-HOTNSFWmorecompetitionfortheweekandheteroflexibledoesnotsoundlikeatermiwouldwantinamanifiwereachick

More competition for the week and “Heteroflexible” does not sound like something I would want in a man if I were a chick personally (via K)

HY-HOTNSFWthecastleisyoursmightbethesexiestwaytoinvitesomeonetofuckagirlinthebuttever

“The castle is yours” might be the sexiest way to invite someone to fuck a girl in the butt ever, though very confusing for Super Mario when he hears the Princess is in another castle after defeating Bowser (via HY)

CC-HOTNSFWifyouredivingintoMILFtittiesthisisahellofawaytotakeflight

If you’re diving into MILF titties this is a hell of a way to take flight (via CC)

GK-puttingthatassoutthereattheGrandOlOpryissuchasouthernchickpowermove

Putting that ass out there at the Grand Ol Opry is such a Southern chick power move (via GK)

AR-HOTNSFWunrealSpagsPromiseherethosethingslookliketheywanttoburstthroughhershirtliketheKoolAidMan

Last #SpagsPromise of the week and those things look like they want to burst out of the shirt like the Kool Aid Man, Go out on top like George Costanza, that’s my motto (via AR)

And there we have it, another week in the books. Thanks to the folks who sent things in, thanks to the people who’ll listen to Swipe Drunk Love (hit me up with your feedback @chrisspags), and happy swiping!