Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP NOW


Woman Wins $43 Million Jackpot On Slot Machine, Casino Says "Ehhh Nevermind" And Gives Her A Steak Dinner Instead


***UPDATE: I forgot to tell you. This is my brand new franchise called “Reblog Wednesday”. ***

CNN – It was a selfie she thought was worth nearly $43 million.

Katrina Bookman hit the jackpot on a slot machine in late August at Resorts World Casino in Jamaica, Queens. She even took an excited self-portrait with the machine displaying her winnings: $42,949,672….But when she came back the next day to find out the exact size of her jackpot, a casino employee crushed her excitement.

“I said, ‘So what did I win? He said, ‘You didn’t win nothing,'” she told WABC.

The New York State Gaming Commission said that Bookman’s machine had malfunctioned. The machine, like all the ones in the casino, has a disclaimer stating, “Malfunctions void all pays and plays.”Instead, the casino offered Bookman a complimentary steak dinner.

I am such a fucking idiot. This whole time I’ve been paying for shit and never once did I even think to claim that my credit card malfunctioned to get out of it. Imagine being able to wake up on a Sunday morning, check your bank statement and get that round of Jameson you drunkenly bought for everybody wiped away because of a malfunction. That’s the difference between being able to afford Chipotle or Wendy’s for dinner every night that week (not that you can go wrong with either).

But yeah, there’s not a single casino on this planet who deserves to get robbed more than Resorts World Casino in Jamaica, Queens. Home of the Johnnies. What a kick to the dick this is. As soon as you see that machine display your $42,949,672 winnings, you immediately start thinking about all the shit you’re going to buy for your new rich life. You’ve got your house lined up, your car lined up, you immediately decide that you’re never blogging another day for the rest of your life. (Sidenote – would you assholes want me to win $43 million if it meant I wouldn’t blog anymore?). I wouldn’t be surprised if the first thing this chick did was call up her boss, tell him to fuck himself repeatedly with no lube, and quit whatever run-down job she was working. Only to find out the next day that she’s not a millionaire. She’s not even a thousandaire. She’s just the winner of a free steak dinner.

A fucking steak dinner. Probably even put ketchup on the steak, too, because she’s not a millionaire and doesn’t have a refined palette anymore. Like I said, nothing would be more satisfying to see this casino in the news one more time in the next month or so after they’ve been Danny Ocean’d for all their worth. Split the heist with Katrina Bookman, everybody moves to Mexico, revive Bernie Mac from the dead and everybody is happy.