Vine Is Straight Up Discontinuing The App, Here Are My 3 Theories Why

This is big news out of the Internet world today. Twitter is straight up discontinuing Vine. Those 6 second videos that you go to in order to see the best highlights of the night- the 6 second clips of the best goals, best dunks, dumb things Stephen A Smith says, duck armies….

…all will be discontinued. And why?

Here are 3 of my theories why:

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3) Major god damn League Baseball. Don’t rule out that they are behind this. They refuse to move into the current world, and will take down any and all Vines that show cool clips from the games. They probably have a stick so far up Twitter’s ass about Vines that Twitter finally said fuck it and totally got rid of Vine all together. Like some guy got so fed up and went “SHUT THE FUCK UP MLB!” and just pulled every wire and mashed every button until Vine was dead.

2) Vine Stars.

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Three days ago Feits declared this guy Logan Paul his mortal enemy, and today Logan Paul’s life just came crashing down onto his stupid face. The idea of a Vine Star is mind blowing- these guys got super, super rich for doing dumb shit. Like, millions of dollars. Vine Stars make YouTube stars seem like movie stars. When the old generation talks about why they hate millennials, exhibit A is a god damn Vine star.

1) Twitter.

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Twitter owns Vine. Everything Twitter does turns out being the wrong decision. I would imagine Vine is going to be integrated into the Twitter app (per Coley), so maybe it’s not gone forever, but they haven’t made such announcements. A ton of people (kids, I guess) would log onto just the Vine app, and Twitter obviously wants these hooligans to have to sign onto Twitter instead. It’s not the worst idea, but it’d be similar to if Instagram would force you to log into Facebook to see pictures. I don’t love it, but Twitter is going to Twitter so I imagine new Vine will suck.

RIP Vine. Gone bet never forgotten. One last time now: