If You Were Ever Planning On Swimming In The Ocean Again Here's An 18 Foot Sea Snake To Remind You That You're An Idiot

An afternoon snorkel off Catalina Island brought a local instructor face-to-face with the half-dollar-sized eyes of an 18-foot sea creature on Sunday. An 18-foot oarfish was discovered off Toyon Bay on Catalina Island Sunday. (credit: Catalina Island Marine Institute) Marine science instructor Jasmine Santana was shocked to confront the rare oarfish in the waters of the island’s Toyon Bay, about 2 miles from Avalon and 22 miles off the Port of Los Angeles. It was the “discovery of a lifetime,” according to a news release issued by the Catalina Island Marine Institute, for which Santana is an instructor. The snake-like fish was found late Sunday afternoon dead but nearly completely intact and appeared to have died from natural causes, according to the release.

Look I know these scientists keep saying its an oarfish and they’re common and can’t harm you and blah blah blah, but let’s be real for a second, that’s a fucking snake. It looks like a snake, it acts like a snake, and it smells like snake. You can call it whatever you want but people with a real brain understand that it’s a snake. So it looks like my life as a sweet as cali bro is officially over. Never again. I’ll stick to Lake Michigan. Worst thing in that water is a few Mexicans wading in their tank tops and some teenagers that will steal your cell phone.

Chances that the dog brought that snake to shore? 100%