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You Can Now Piss And Shit Into An 18-Karat Golden Toilet At The Guggenheim


Museum-goers, prepare yourselves for “unprecedented intimacy with a work of art.” Starting Friday, visitors to the Guggenheim are encouraged to relieve themselves in a fully functional toilet cast in 18-karat gold called America, which will be on display indefinitely. The installation by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan replaced the toilet in a small, single-unit museum restroom with a far flashier model. Curator Nancy Spector from the Brooklyn Museum, who worked closely with Cattelan to bring the project to fruition, explains how it will work to The Two-Way:

“People will most likely wait in line…and individuals will use it one at a time. There will be a security guard outside who will explain to people what the piece is … And then people will use it as they would a bathroom.” The golden throne is meant to be a gesture of provocation, Spector says. “The fact that it is very welcoming, inviting for anyone to use, gets to the heart of a lot of questions around exclusivity in the art world and in museums in particular. And this notion of having a very intimate, private experience with a work of art, and a work of art that speaks quite dramatically about its own value, is fascinating on many many levels,” she adds.

Hahaha you fucking museum idiots! What are you people thinking? That toilet will be covered in shit before the lunch crowd even makes it into the museum. You know why? This city is full of assholes and savages that will ruin anything nice that is brought into it. And that makes me sad, because I imagine dropping a deuce in a solid gold toilet will raise the morale of any human on God’s green Earth.

Now don’t get me wrong. New Yorkers aren’t all bad people. There are just so many of us, that the odds of having some dickhead artist trying to make art or a statement against wealth by shitting all over a perfectly good gold toilet are off the charts. Or some legitimate crazy person gets into the museum and has a Chaps-like diarrhea. A security guard on the outside won’t be able to do a goddamn thing until after that bathroom has been destroyed. This is almost more obvious than the homeless taking over and spilling seed at those free WiFi kiosks. Can someone in charge of decisions like this in New York use their noodle for me one time?