Live EventDo you want to own Week 13 of the NFL? Tune in now to the Barstool Sports AdvisorsStarting Soon

Iowa Teacher-Turned-Stripper Gets Confronted By Chris Hansen's "Crime Watch" Crew

What a saga! Some much damn drama.

Let’s do a quick overview:

1. Teacher sleeps with an underage student 786 times at Bever Park (which is absolutely a real place and isn’t far from my apartment)

2. Teachers gets caught sleeping with the student 786 times by the school

3. The school does nothing and sweeps it under the rug because it makes them look bad

4. Other people finally find out about it so they tell the school and the school finally fires her

5. She becomes a stripper

That honestly feels like a movie. I would watch the shit out of that movie too. I never knew if these Crime Watch things were real or not but this is happening in my backyard and it’s 1000% real. The thing I don’t understand is why she agreed to do a bunch of interviews. That leads me to believe that she LOVE LOVE LOVES attention (pretty obvious, ya know, since she slept with a student then became a stripper) and doesn’t care how she gets it. And how about those nicknames? Lobster? Empress? Baby Cakes? What? The part where the kid wrote her note saying she smelled like pizza and he wanted to taste the crust was fucking gross. She’s for sure going to prison, right? Feels that way.

Do I need to go to Woody’s now and get a lap dance from this lady? I kinda want to. Bambi isn’t the ugliest stripper I’ve ever seen. Woody’s is a goddamn dump but I love it. A place where your chances of getting a lap dance are pretty much equal to catching a bullet. Right off the highway-type shit. Pretty ballsy move by her to become a stripper in the same town where she’s all over the news for fucking a high school student.