If You Eat Holding Your Fork Overhand You're An Uncivilized Savage

A week into the new office and the single worst part of it is that I have to sit across from Gaz every day and watch him eat lunch. If he were to eat on a farm cows would learn English, self-taught, and tell him to CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED, YOU FUCKING ANIMAL. It’s insanity. But even worse than the chewing is the overhand fork usage. Absolutely preposterous. If you’re done eating baby food, you need to be done holding your fork like a barbarian. Overhand eating is more caveman than clubbing a woman, dragging her into your cave, and telling her that she’s your wife now. Gaz claims that it’s not a fork, it’s a shovel. I claim that he’s a savage. If you eat like this know that your friends who were raised by humans are talking behind your back and bashing you every time you get up from the table. Stab your food, raise it to your mouth, and repeat. Holding your plate to your face and shoveling it down your gullet, like a cartoon character, is flat-out unacceptable in society today.

Now THAT’S how you sub-blog someone.