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Hello haters,

No additional introductory commentary necessary:

If that doesn’t inject a little randiness into your underoos then you need to check your pulse.



I’ve got good news: I already wrote a COMPREHENSIVE PREVIEW OF ALL EIGHT GROUPS, including predictions for which 16 clubs will advance to the knockout stage and which 16 will join Liverpool and Chelsea in watching this year’s competition from the comfort of their couches.

Best seat in the house

Best seat in the house

So go read that and it should give you a pretty good roadmap for how I think the groups will ultimately shake out. As for today’s games specifically, here’s what we got on tap:



Picks of the day:

PSG [-105]
Arsenal [+290]
Draw [+250]

It’s early but PSG has been less than impressive so far this season, and while Arsenal had a laughable start they seem to have gotten back on track a bit. This feels a lot like a toss-up game, and while I’ve been leaning towards draw all day I’ll pretend like I’ve got some testicles and jump on what look like overly generous odds. Arsenal to win 2-1.


Barcelona [-1100]
Celtic [+2500]
Draw [+1100]

Celtic has a history of popping up out of nowhere and kicking big clubs in the dick. Sorry, don’t see it happening this time around. You might think Barcelona’s embarrassing and hardly explicable home loss to Alaves this weekend might be a sign that the Scottish “giants” might be catching the Catalans at the right time. But, nah. More likely it was a case of Barcelona resting most of its big names for most of the game in preparation for today. Barcelona to win 4-0.

Calling it now: brace today for the Argentine Pulisic

Calling it now: brace today for the Argentine Pulisic


City [-260]
Monchenpenisgladbach [+500]
Draw [+430]

Definitely hard to love the odds on City. ‘Gladbach is not a pushover. But the English side has too many weapons and a coach who has been there before so tough to go against them at home on the opening matchday. City to win 3-1.


Stay strong, homey


Bayern [-1200]
Rostov [+2500]
Draw [+1100]

Did you read the damn group stage preview? Here, I’ll even help you out and give you the link again. Rostov is better than people think. Can they beat Bayern in Bavaria? Probably not. Can they finagle a draw? Also unlikely… but tough to ignore odds that would seem to suggest they are a mid-tier Championship side rather than a Russian oil-wealth infused dark horse. It’s a long shot and Lewandowski will probably ring up five goals in the first 15 minutes just cause I’m saying this but you can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket. Gimme a 1-1 draw.



Reminder: got another biggggggggg slate tomorrow including Tottenham and Leicester and Manchester United. Nothing like a little midday soccer to make the week fly by.

Sam U.L. Army