Miltons is going to hook up your entire wedding, up to 8 groomsmen, with all the gear they need. Send in your email to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll have stoolies vote for the winners. We’re loading up right now for the next Pimp My Wedding Contest so if you are getting married this Winter send in your nominations. The next winner will be announced September 30th.
I am going to need your attention. One of the sickest savages I have ever met is about to tie the knot. I have been friends with this animal since I was 4 years old, who still has never forgiven me for kissing his pre-school gf. Yet he refuses to throw me out of his life, and made me a groomsman. He’s a lover, fighter, chronic masterbater, and most importantly a die hard Rangers fan.
It’s now time for us to rise to the occasion, and give this dirtbag the ride of his life. For years, he threw some of the grittiest high school parties around, supported roman candle fights, blasted the playboy channel constantly, and let us score in every single room of his house.
On a serious note, he truly is the best man I have ever met. He has triumphed through tragedy, he lost his brother years ago who suffered from dwarfism. He was always there to help him with anything and made sure he was included in every aspect of his life. He never complained, quit and at the end of the day made sure his brother knew he loved him. He has always forgiven no matter the crime, and has been the rock for our entire group of friends.
Not to mention, he had the balls to propose to his fiancé during a Knicks game. Their season may have been an epic disappointment, but he deserves the ultimate stooly championship.