Boston.Com Love Letters - I'm Sleeping With 4 Dudes But Need More
The Question
Q. Hi Meredith,
I am 30 and have been seeing four different guys over the last three years or so. I met them all around the same time when I was in the phase of just hooking up and not looking for a relationship at all.
I am not in love with any of these guys, and the sex is great with each of them. But again, I don’t see myself committing to any one of them – ever. So until I find the one right for me, I am very satisfied. I don’t even feel like I am cheating on these guys, given that I never let them be a part of my inner circle (meeting family/close friends/double dates and such). Nor have I been under any pressure from them about things like that. I see each of these guys once a week, unplanned, on random days – very much unstructured. None of them know I am seeing the others, and each of them live in different parts of the city. It wouldn’t bother me if I found out they were seeing others. I don’t sleep over after I see them.
The problem I’m facing is that I have stopped looking for Mr. Right – full stop. Given my work/social calendar and the time I spend with each of these men, I don’t know how to go about looking for the one who I would ideally like to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. I have asked a very close friend, and she thinks there is nothing I should change – someone right might come along one day. She says that until that happens, I should continue doing what I have been. I’m not so sure. I am getting to a point where I have to make some drastic changes, but I don’t know what to do. I need some advice! Please help.
– JudgeMeNot
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Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
I’m sort of with your friend. It sounds like you have a great situation, as long as everyone is cool with the fact that you’re not looking for a relationship. That said, I’m not sure I buy your friend’s theory that an amazing partner will “come along one day.” I mean, you’re spending four nights a week with these men, and then you have work and the rest of your life. That doesn’t leave much time for meeting people. I do think you’ll have to make some space in your schedule if you want to get to know someone new.
My advice is to clear one night a week for some online dating. Maybe that means seeing one or two guys a week instead of four. I know you’ll miss some of that very wonderful sex, but you’re the one who said you “have to make some drastic changes.” You’re the one who seems to be ready for more.
– Meredith
Readers? Should the letter writer get rid of these men?
The fact that Hoss told a chick who is getting dicked to death that she needs to start online dating is the weirdest advice of all time. You don’t online date when you are getting fucked up and down the east coast. Online dating is for chicks who aren’t getting laid. Leave some for the rest of the girls.
But that leads to the advice part of this.
El Pres Answer
Dear Judge Me Not,
First of all nobody likes a braggart. Oh I have awesome sex with a ton of dudes and I always leave them crying in the aisles begging for more. Umm liar liar, pants on fire. How do I know this chick is lying? Umm because nobody who is banging four different guys a week, cumming to the moon every 3 seconds is writing letters to anybody asking for advice. This is Catfish type shit. You aren’t having any sex. You’re probably fat, gross and depressed. So my advice is go see a therapist because you are mentally fucked up. This letter was so blatantly fake that it had to be a clear cry for help. It was basically a suicide threat. Hoss Goldstein was too dumb to see it. I wasn’t. I basically just saved your lilf. You’re welcome. Yeah you have awesome sex with 4 dudes every week and then still somehow find the time to write letters when you don’t have a dick inside you. Give me a break psycho.