BREAKING: A Federal Judge Has Ordered Brendan Dassey, From Making A Murderer, Be Released From Prison

Cue the music!!!!!!!!

Not a fair trial, not a fair game, whole things whack just a lying shame!!!

Hey Brendan, are you out of jail now? Yeah.

Better late than never, I guess? This is the right move here, no doubt about it. If you watched Making A Murderer you know there’s NO CHANCE this kid had anything to do with Theresa Halbach’s murder. No chance at all. I’m still on the fence about Steven Avery, I couldn’t have called him guilty but I’m also not sure he’s innocent. But Brendan? This kid barely has the mental capacity to tie his shoes, he sure as shit wouldn’t be able to participate in a gruesome murder and incredibly detailed cover-up, a cover-up that forensic scientists say they couldn’t even do. He didn’t know what inconsistent means, he can only say three words, he thought he was going back to school after “confessing” to murder, he thought he’d get out of jail for Wrestlemania (seriously WWE needs to invite him to the next one, whenever that is), he’s a mentally retarded person. Sentencing him to prison was fucking preposterous.

But he’s out now. Free at last, free at last, Brendan Dassey is free at last.*

*Maybe not immediately. That document says he has to be released within 90 days. Imagine that was you? You’ve spent a decade wrongfully in jail and they’re just like, “Ok, you’re free to go. We’ll get you home in a month or two.” BITCH, open this jail cell and let me the fuck out of here right this second! I’m innocent!