Police Are Investigating Whether Or Not A Female Tennis Player Was Poisoned With Rat Urine At Wimbledon

LONDON (AP) — Detectives are investigating allegations that a British player at the Wimbledon tennis tournament was poisoned, after she fell ill with a bacterial infection that can be spread through rat urine, London’s Metropolitan Police said Thursday. Gabriella Taylor was playing in the junior tournament when she became sick on July 6 and had to drop out. Her mother, Milena Taylor, says the 18-year-old was hospitalized in intensive care and diagnosed with leptospirosis, a bacterial infection spread by animals. Milena Taylor told the Daily Telegraph newspaper that “the bacteria the infection team found is so rare in Britain that we feel this could not have been an accident.” She said Gabrielle “was staying in a completely healthy environment” during the tournament and would not likely have been accidentally exposed to the bacteria.

The biggest question here isn’t who did it or why they did it or if they’ll get caught. The biggest question is how the fuck does a person collect rat urine? That seems like an impossible task. How do you collect the urine of any animal, let alone a rat? The prospect of following a rat around until it started pissing everywhere would instantly deter me from poisoning anyone with rat urine. Just do it the ol’ fashioned way and get some cyanide or ricin (shouts to Walter White). Anybody with a brain would be following the rat around with a jar then it’d dawn on them like, “Oh yeah. I should probably have better things to do than doing this. Literally anything is more useful of my time than what I’m currently doing.” With that said, I bet rat urine makes you shit and piss your goddamn brains out. No way no how would I be caught dead wearing white at Wimbledon while my body was trying to rid itself of the rat urine in my system.