Larry David Hates Ryan Fitzpatrick's Beard, Still Thinks He Can Be An Offensive Coordinator For The Jets

First things first, I agree 100% on the thing with Fitzy’s beard. Not in the sense that I dont like it, but that we need to keep it consistent. Because it ends up making me look like an ass. One minute I’m blogging that Ryan Fitzpatrick looks like a goddam Mountain Man leader of men:

Transforming into Toad from Mario Kart. One of the fastest and most honorable of all Mario Kart drivers. The next day he cuts everything and looks like this:

Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now, Ryan? I look rather foolish, now dont eye? I just staked the whole Jets season on that beard and hair and you cut it all off. By Week 8 you’ll have it all grown back and I just wont know what the fuck to think. I need consistency. I blame either our wins or losses on your beard and if  you keep switching it up that makes things difficult. Like Larry said, I dont know who I’m rooting for.

As far as Larry wanting to be an OC, this is nothing new. He said that back in 2015. Back in the Morniningnngwheig days I would have gladly taken Larry on the sidelines calling plays. But now that Chan Gailey and Fitzy have their butt buddy magic working, I gotta keep Larry away. You wanna shadow Chan’s old ass? Go for it. But dont disrupt whatever weird nonsense mojo they have working. Chan Gailey and Ryan Fitzpatrick separately totally suck. Fitz by himself is like the weird Indian kid from Captain Planet whose “special power” is fucking Heart. Chan Gailey is like Linka controlling the wind. Separate they are worthless but when their powers combine they form Captain Planet and can actually play a little football. A whole lotta heart and controlling the ball in the air and all of a sudden it just somehow works.

Now if Larry wants to manage the Mets, by all means, go right the fuck ahead. I genuinely, truly think Larry David can do a better job of managing the Mets than Terry Collins.