The Fact Tim Tebow Isn’t Married Yet Is More Insane Than Him Still Being A Virgin

With Tim Tebow back in the news this thought hit me today. All anybody talks about is him being a 29 year old virgin, but the real story is that he somehow isn’t married. That’s BANANAS. Like the only reason not to get married when you’re rich and famous is because you want to bang a ton of chicks. But when you are saving yourself for marriage 29 is like 60. Chicks love Tebow. He’s a good looking dude. I’m sure he could find a wife in a nanosecond. What the fuck is he waiting for? Then he can finally have sex and kids and shit. It’s wild when you think about it. Listen I’m the biggest Tebow guy there is. I hope the Red Sox sign him because I do believe he’s part Jesus and will win games on sheer will and praying from the bench. But if this was anybody else who was this religious and still not married at his age I’d be pulling out the closet gayball card at this point.

PS – I’m serious when I say the Sox should sign Tebow. What does the last guy on the bench do anyways? I’m fully convinced Tebow’s connection with God would win them 3-5 games in October.