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Orlando Bloom Goes Dick Out For Harambe (presumably)

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There was a time when celebrities shied away from social causes which was understandable given their large influences and the potential of massive losses in income. Those days and thoughts do not hinder the social stances of former Calcium Kid star Orlando Bloom.

Orlando Bloom is seen here paddle boarding with Katy Perry. Orlando could have kept it a normal Wednesday and tossed on some board shorts and paddled until his little heart was content. He didn’t do that. He presumably took a stand. He went completely dick out for Harambe, and I’m here for it.

Not only did Orlando, presumably, go dicks out for Harambe but he took it a step farther. He went ass out for Pinky.


While I respect what Orlando did, you cant go raw penis to paddle board. You’re just asking for trouble. I’m a ginger. Trust me on this one. You.do.not.want.a.sun.burn.on.your.penis. Simple as that.

Time and a place for everything. We can all respect Harambe while also bearing in mind some simple dick skin safety. It’s not one or the other. One minute you’re mourning the loss of your gorilla friend and the next minute your dick is trunk deep in a bucket of 2% milk three times a day for 15 minutes and you can’t wear jeans because it hurts when you sit.

RIP Harambe and I hope your dick feels better, Orlando.

That’s the end of the blog, but why does it look like Katy is about to give Orlando pinkeye?