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Social Media Guru Joel Embiid Is Obviously Pretty Thrilled With The New Instagram Update

In case you missed it, Instagram rocked the world yesterday by molly wopping Snapchat right in the face by adding a new feature called “Instagram Stories“. What are Instagram Stories? Well it’s literally the exact same thing as Snapchat. Hell, the difference between Poland Springs water and Deer Park water is more blatant than the differences between Instagram Stories and Snapchat. And while this new development may be a bit confusing to some, as most of us are afraid of change, others are welcoming the new technology with open arms. Including social media guru and soon-to-be actual NBA player Joel Embiid.

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Now here’s where I’d like to give JoJo a little free piece of advice. We’ve already witnessed NBA players fuck up in the nudes game this summer courtesy of Draymond Green and his gross dick. And the thing is that chicks don’t really even like dick pics. Dicks are gross. They’re nothing pretty to look at. The only thing a dick pic is going to get you is the girl sharing it with all her friends so they can sit around laughing at you and your gross dick at the next girls night. There are very few scenarios in which the dick pic actually works out for all parties involved. So when you’re sliding into Instagram DMs, maybe steer clear of the unprovoked sharing of your male genitalia, and perhaps send some videos like this to break the ice.

Joel Embiid can slide into as many Instawhore DMs as he wants to as long as he looks like this on the court come opening night. And sure, what you see against a 5’10” white boy during practice doesn’t necessarily translate to a game situation in the NBA. But JoJo looks athletic, he looks agile, he looks explosive, he looks like he hasn’t been drinking Shirley Temples by the pitcher and eating chicken fingers for breakfast lunch and dinner. This video was essentially the same thing as sending a dick pic to Sixers fans, the only difference is that he doesn’t have to get his publicist on the line afterwards and claim his account got hacked. Still waiting on that reply from KK though…

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@BarstoolJordie