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Amar'e Stoudemire Retired From The NBA As A New York Knick


Shoutout to the Knicks for the nice, tall glass table for Amar’e and his broken down body.

Wow I did not see that coming. I mean I am not shocked that Amar’e called it a career. I thought he may hold on for a few years and try to chase a ring before settling down with a ton of money, aches, and pains. But I did not think he loved New York enough to come back and retire here. Sure this could be because of the whole “Once A Knick, Always A Knick” thing, that will probably keep Amar’e on the books as a P.R. bridge from the team to the fans.

But he did genuinely seem to enjoy his time in New York, even if his body betrayed him just like basically every other big time free agent the Knicks seem to sign. Even though the Knicks were basically bidding against themselves in the end, I will never forget that he signed with them when there were other competitive teams he could have gone too, albeit for less money. The dream of STAT and LeBron lasted for a very short time, but damn it was exciting while it was alive. His nine 30-point games in a row had MSG rocking, even if it was the beginning of Mike D’Antoni grinding his knees into a fine powder. But before that, he definitely re-energized the fanbase as a legit star with a solid midrange game while still having some of the explosiveness from his younger days.

STAT and Melo was absolute fire and burnt down all the hottest New York clubs back in the day.

The time he fought the fire hydrant during the playoffs was disappointing, even if the Taiwan animation about it was fantastic.

I still don’t know what to say about the red wine baths, but they were…something. It takes a certain kind of man to bathe in red wine.


Seriously Amar’e, what the fuck?

But you have to respect a guy that signs with a New York team and then looks to learn about his Jewish heritage. I bet those birthright trips to Israel are a pretty good time. I’m also not sure if this Judaism turn added the apostrophe to his first name, but that apostrophe was annoying as fuck.

Amare’s could also be a 6’10” Billy Shakespeare with bad knees.

Or a dude with some thin ass skin.

But again, he brought a tortured fanbase hope, if not for very long. In fact, this commercial did a great job explaining how every Knicks fan felt about Amar’e when he first signed with New York.

Speaking of Young Amar’e, he was a legit freak and definitely could have been an all-timer if he had stayed healthy. Those early 2000s Suns teams were some of the biggest What If? teams I can remember. Just watching some of those dunks, blocks, and put-backs, it’s crazy to think this is the same player that kind of just petered out by the end of his contract in New York. All things considered, it would have made a lot of sense for Amar’e to retire as a Sun. But then you realize that franchise is somehow even more fucked up than the Knicks. So instead of thinking about that, just sit back, relax, and watch some fun ass basketball from those Phoenix days with Steve Nash & Co.

And even though it was during his days with the Mavs, there is no way I can forget Michael Jackson Amar’e, which all things considered was my favorite Amar’e. Absolutely, positively reeee-fucking-diculous.

Thankfully the Knicks have since learned from their mistakes and built a team around players that are not only talented, but have a history of good health.


As if that wasn’t enough, our 7’3 franchise player tweeted this out today:

Before quickly deleting it. I’m not sure if he found his movers, just realized he could ask me to move all his stuff for free, or didn’t want to let it leak that he’s been traded. But I am sitting here like a teenage girl trying to figure out what her boyfriend meant when he said he just needed some space.