RIP Crystal Hefner's Fake Tits (And RIP Hef, Soon)

This is going to be what kills Hef. Some people survive on food, water, and shelter, other people survive on girls with big fake titties. Commonly referred to in blogging circles as “Paterno’ing” it’s the phenomenon where old people die off when the one thing they love is taken away from them. Hef simply cannot live without his girls having fake tits. I’m so worried right now. Sure her breast implants were literally killing her from the inside….

…but this is very selfish of Crystal to do this to Hef. He’s a living legend. He’s up there Clint Eastwood as men who should live forever. Take one for the team, Crystal, come on!

First they took the nudity out of Playboy. Then he sold his mansion. And now his wife took out her titties. I hate typing this but get your RIP Hefs ready. He is a pioneer, a legend, a man we should all aspire to be.