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Purposely Pooping Your Pants To Try To Avoid Arrest Is Worth A Shot

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ABC - Police in Plainfield, New Jersey say a 27-year-old man defecated in his pants so that officers would not place him under arrest over the weekend. Officers responded to a report of a disorderly man at 4:21 a.m. Sunday on the 800 block of North Wood Avenue. Arriving officers observed 27-year-old Kyle Chambliss, of Plainfield, talking loudly on his cell phone while sitting in a vehicle. They reportedly smelled alcohol coming from Chambliss and asked him to step out of his car. After being told to end his phone call and speak to them, he allegedly became aggressive towards the officers. When he was told he was being placed under arrest, they say Chambliss told them he had to defecate himself and proceeded to do so to keep the officers at bay. When the officers attempted to handcuff him, authorities say he struck one of them in the chest with his arm and kicked another in the leg. The officers then administered a dose of pepper spray to get him to comply with their commands.

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Look, if you haven’t pooped your pants to get out of an unfortunate situation, you just haven’t lived life to the fullest. There is going to be a situation at some point in your life when it’s either poop yourself, or face an even worse evil. Ever been on a bad date? Nothing a little poop in the trousers can’t clear up. Bad house guest? Turd in the underbritches will chase them out. Get popped for drinking and driving at 4:21 AM? Let that shit fly like an eagle, my brother. It’s always worth a shot. What’s the worst that can happen? You get peppersprayed and taken to jail with a load of poo in your dungarees? Thems the breaks. But at least you know deep down in your heart that you pulled out every stop, that you tried your dang darndest to avoid jail.