In Honor Of Toronto Lifting Their Ban On Street Hockey, Here Are The Worst Things About Street Hockey
Toronto Sun – Game on!
Toronto City Council has voted 35-2 in favour of lifting a long-standing ban on street hockey. Councillor Christin Carmichael Greb, who spearheaded the move to have the ban ejected from the city, said she was happy to finally have the rules off the books.
“I’m ecstatic we were able to get something through this quickly for something that has been tried many times,” she said. “Now kids can be active and it gives them another mode to be out and having fun and learning street-smarts and building community.”
Disregarding the fact that Toronto had a long-standing ban on street hockey (which seems like the American equivalent would be banning obesity), there were very few times better spent during your childhood than rounding up the crew after school and getting a quick game of puck going. Whether it was at the park, on the tennis courts, if somebody lived on a cul-de-sac, or just out on any street, it didn’t matter. School was over and you had nothing on your mind but saucing around for a few hours before you had to go home for dinner. Now this isn’t about to be a post bashing on street hockey because I think it’s one of the greatest American/Canadian past times. With that being said, there were plenty of hardships you had to go through every time just to get a full game in. Those hardships made you grittier, but there were still plenty of things about street hockey that fucking sucked and you know it. So with the kids of Toronto finally being able to play some puck in the streets of the 6, let this just serve as a little warning to you and yours.
1. Cars Coming Through And Having To Move Everything To The Sidewalk
Games would usually start as soon as everybody got home from school. You’d get a solid hour or so in but then after that, all the parents in your town start getting home from work. You’re in the swing of things and all of a sudden Mrs. Johnson comes flying through in her shitty Honda Odyssey. You move off to the side, she passes, you get the net and everything set back up and then here comes that prick Mr. Wallace in his Camry. He’s the worst because he thinks he’s a *cool dad* so he’ll stop in the middle of the street and yell out of the window asking about how the game’s going. You just want him to shut the fuck up and leave but he’s an asshole and makes a joke like “don’t make me find my rollerblades in the basement and come out there to teach you all how to really play the game, I’m just joshing ya, ha ha, you kids take care now”. It’s just a constant cavalcade of middle class vehicles coming by one after the other and after a while, you all give up and it’s game over.
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2. Losing The Puck/Ball
Even if you were lucky enough to live in a town that has an outdoor street hockey rink with boards and everything, you’d still always lose the puck/ball over the boards and then have to go around on the grass and find it. But for everybody who had to play on the actual street, well you know that at least 50% of games ended because some dingus ruined it for everybody after shooting the puck a hundred feet wide of the net. Maybe it got lost in somebody’s yard. Maybe it went down the drain. But nothing was more *deflating* than having to call it a day early because you’re all a bunch of idiots and only brought one puck. Same type of thing goes for if you played with a ball and it broke because somebody had to pretend they were Pronger out there.
3. The Friend Who Doesn’t Actually Play Hockey But Always Had To Join In On Street
This kid sucked for a multitude of reasons. First off, it always sucked when he ended up on your team because it would almost be worse than playing a man down. He’d get in the way, he’d always bitch about never getting the puck, he’d turn it over constantly, it was miserable. It also sucked when he wasn’t on your team because he had no idea how to control his stick. You think you’re just playing a friendly game of street hockey and all of a sudden you have this jabroni chopping at your shins like he’s taking an ax to a tree. Best case scenario is you could throw that guy in net but you know that would rarely ever work out. Which leads us to our next point…
4. Having To Play Goalie
The kids who actually play goalie are some of the most selfish bastards on the planet. Because they would NEVER get in net during street hockey. They’d always bitch and moan about how they always get shot on in ice hockey and that they’re either playing out or not playing at all. Which means that you’d all have to take turns playing in net and you remember why you never wanted to play goalie in the first place. It’s hot, it’s frustrating, the straps on the Mylec pads would always cut up your legs, it’s just an all around miserable experience. Nothing would ruin your day quite like having to hop in the net. But deep down, you knew it was still better than having to play posts or with a trash can.
5. Wearing Down Your Wheels Until There Is Nothing Left
The progression from your wheels whittling down from 4 perfect wheels to a set of 2 that pretty much just have the core left is a fast and depressing one. Nothing would keep you on edge quite like having to play with just one wheel in the front and one in the back. Because you knew at any moment you could catch a crack in the street or a rock and your day was over.
6. Loving The Game So Much That You Accidentally Find Yourself In Compton
Hate when this would happen.