We've Officially Gone Off The Goddam Rails - Subway Car Filled With Dozens Of Near-Dead Crabs

Gothamist – This weekend, a straphanger came upon an empty train car filled with dead crabs. Ever since, we’ve been trying to piece together the whats, whys, and for reals? of how an N train car ended up filled with 50 or more crabs Saturday night. While there’s still no explanation for why they ended up there, we have at least peeled back the onion a bit on a few aspects of the strange sighting—like the fact that crabs were still alive when they were first dumped there.  Park Slope resident Brian Slepian, 24, got on the arthropods express around 10:45 p.m. at 45th Street when he came upon the crabs, and he was able to shed some light on why there was so much water on the ground: “The guy throwing the water told me it must have been a prank against him since he was a Cancer and that it must have been done by a Scorpio (he did not know that I was a Scorpio). As if that train ride could have been any weirder.” And as you can see in the video below, they were still alive at that point in the evening. “He came on the train after I did and, in a psychotic attempt to help the crabs, threw a liter of water onto the floor,” he added.

Now you’re in Newwwwww Yorrrrrkkkkk! Concrete Jungle where subway cars are filled with dead crabssss! There’s nothing you cant doooooo!

I dont even know whats left to say. This situation reads like a bad joke. Its like a Family Guy joke. I could just see Stewie turning to Brian, talking about one of his evil plots  “…like that time I filled a subway car with dead crabs!” and the scene cuts to this exact video with no explanation. If I was writing a movie and was trying to come up with some NYC subway hyperbole, I dont even think I’d be ridiculous enough come up with 50 dead crabs on the floor of the train. To me this is proof positive that we’re all in a Truman Show situation and there’s someone pulling the strings whose main goal is to see what it takes to shock New Yorkers on the subway. Like “Goddamit, they didnt even flinch with that lady who was humping the ground. They dont even bat an eyelash at the people who masturbate. The fights dont scare them. The piss and shit doesnt bother them. What can I do that will scare these motherfuckers?” And the final answer was to start dumping sea creatures on the floor. Absolutely ridiculous.

Either that or this is the beginning of the end for New York City and this is the plague of locusts stage of things. Buckle up, who knows whats next.

PS – The dude pouring water on them trying to help them can go ahead and get the fuck out of this city. You can get right off this planet, sir. Team Human. Nobody needs to be saving the crabs on the subway.