American Hears Prison Sentence In Taiwan Court, Promptly Kills Himself

NY PostAn American man fatally stabbed himself in a Taiwan courtroom Thursday after being sentenced to four years in jail for drug possession.

The Taipei Times reported that 41-year-old Tyrel Martin Marhanka smuggled a pair of 8-inch scissors into the courtroom, which he separated into two blades.

Marhanka had been sentenced to four years for marijuana possession.

Witnesses told the paper that after a translator informed Marhanka of the sentence, he shouted “Four years?” The translator informed Marhanka that he could appeal the decision, to which he responded, “I don’t want to appeal. I don’t want to live anymore,” before stabbing himself.




Here at Barstool we talk a lot about killing ourselves. Most the time, living with shame and misery seems significantly worse than just dying. So we say fuck actually dealing with bad stuff, just kill yourself. A Royal Guard passes out during the Queen’s 90th birthday parade? Just kill yourself. A tennis ball boy KO’d and dragged off the court? Just kill yourself. An American drug dealer sentenced to 4 years in Taiwanese prison? Just kill yourself.

And by god, Martin Marhanka did it. He killed himself. He literally heard his sentence, said “Four years?” then killed himself. Cut his own throat. Said yeah right, I’m outta here. Smell ya later.

Inspirational story. Far too often we have to deal with people not following through on their promises. We see kids writing “1,000 RTs and I’ll streak game 6!” then deleting their accounts when it gets close. But not Martin. Martin had a plan, prepared for the worst, and followed through with that plan. Separated a pair of scissors into two blades, brought ‘em into the court room, and offed himself when he heard the news.

Need more people like Martin in this world. Ironic but true.