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Congrats On All The Sex, Frogs


UPI Frogs are some of the kinkiest amphibians in the forest. Biologists have identified six different sex positions among the planet’s 7,000-plus species of frogs and toads.

Recently, scientists discovered a seventh position — dubbed the “dorsal straddle” — being employed by the Bombay night frog, Nyctibatrachus humayuni, a species endemic to India’s Western Ghats.

If the dorsal straddle doesn’t sound very intimate, that’s because it’s not. The position involves no genital contact. The male frog straddles the female from behind using a branch or leaf to brace himself while he deposits his sperm on the female’s back. The female lays her eggs, which are fertilized by the sperm trickling down her backside.

Get a load of these cocky bastards. Sick brag, frogs. You have tons of sex. Good for you. Fucking show offs.

Bet you didn’t wake up this morning ready to be hit over the head with the fact that frogs are having way more sex than you on a regular basis. Me neither. Yet here we are. Look at Dat Boi go. These freaks are fucking in 7 different ways. SEVEN. I could maybe name you like three different position for humans off the top of my head. And frogs are out there getting their freak on seven different ways. And how about this new “dorsal straddle” craze? How about trying to whip that move out on a Saturday night? Just pump and dump on her back, then call yourself a cab and get out of there. Frogs, man. They’re a bunch of selfish lovers and I guess I have to commend them for that. You think a male frog cares if he’s never made a female frog orgasm before? Shit no. It’s all about getting yours. You have to treat sex like a race and if you ain’t first, you’re last.

This guy knows what I’m talking about.