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The Roundball Recap Of Subplots Heading Into Game 5 Of The NBA Finals


So here we are, a few hours away from what could be the last of the NBA season. After three crappy contests, Game 4 was actually pretty decent, which led to some interesting stories and fallout on social media. So lets get into the proper state of mind before getting into the subplots (some of which have been mentioned on the site today, some that haven’t).

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1. Draymond will not be in the building.

Has someone so important to their team been suspended for the (potential) clinching game of the NBA Finals before? Such a weird dynamic. But that’s what happens to a guy like Draymond that loves hitting dudes in the dick. Loves bruising dicks like a fat kid loves cake. When can Draymond come in the building to celebrate with his team if they win? The final buzzer? After the trophies are given away? 12:01 AM PST? And since Draymond is right next door, does he try to slip in early? Will there be a Draymond Cam to show him during the game? Will he give LeBron a dick tap on the walk from the arena entrance to the court if the Warriors win? So many questions that will hopefully be answered in the most entertaining way possible. But one thing we learned from this suspension is that the NBA clearly values LeBron James’ dick more than Steven Adams’ dick (as if we didn’t know that already).

2. Will we continue to hear more about LeBron stepping over Draymond? Which is ironic because, well, you know.

We had Smashmouth giving their cover of Ether in tweet form:

Ayesha Curry in her constant state of being a pitbull in high heels:

And Mo Speights weighing in with what I hoped would be the jumpoff for another emoji war like the infamous Great Emoji War of 2015:

I am so mad someone on the Cavs didn’t respond with the eyeroll emoji, leading to a gaggle of emojis from both sides, ultimately leading to a sequel of the greatest tweet in the history of Twitter.

In the end though, I just hope that the Warriors are game planning on who will step over LeBron if they are up big late. My brain says it would be Andre Iguodala, but my heart says it will be Festus Ezeli. Because I would love nothing more than somebody named Festus Ezeli to be at the center of a sports controversy.
3. Can a t-shirt change the entire complexion of an NBA Finals?

Probably the most underreported story of the weekend was LeBron wearing an old school Undertaker shirt. LeBron having a shirt like this gives me more faith that the Cavs can come back and win the series than any pre-game adjustments or Draymond Green suspension. Never EVER underestimate The Dead Man on a sport’s biggest stage, whether he’s wrestling at Wrestlemania or on a player’s shirt before the NBA Finals.

And I am sure LeBron is just using his phone to change the song because it’s #ZeroDarkThirty23Game5

4. Will Cuba Gooding Jr. take Drake’s crown for greatest living front runner?
Cuba seemed to be a huge Sharks fan before last night’s Stanley Cup Finals game.

Yet somehow ended up in the Penguins locker room for a rousing rendition of “We Are The Champions”.

If Cuba is looking to continue to act like a villain after playing OJ for a few months, he is well on his way. Just a dirty, dirty move right there. San Jose isn’t that far from Oakland, so I am hoping that the (fake) Juice is in The O tonight.

5. Will Steph continue to defend the Curry 2s with reckless abandon?


This season we learned that Steph is the most ridiculous shooter of our lifetimes while also being the most loyal spokesman in the history of spokesman. He may not be able to sell a ketchup popsicle to a lady wearing white gloves. But he would tell her that said popsicle was straight fire and she would be an idiot not to eat it. The fact he is able to say they are fire while putting a bootleg flame emoji on his shoe with a straight face sends chills up my spine.

And of course we have Ayesha yet AGAIN scrapping for her man. She, like Steph, is nothing if not loyal. A bunch of people have complained of Curry fatigue lately. And a few more stupid controversies or bad shoe releases will cause them both to go full heel, with Ayesha going from Miss Elizabeth to Sensational Sherry at the drop of a hat. She has that type of range in my eyes.

And with all due respect to the Currys and the (likely fired) designer at Under Armour, this is a fatality for any company whose shoes were not meant to be marketed to Dads or Pam Beasley.

6. Does Kevin Love finally hit LeBron over the head with a steel chair during what will could (likely?) be his last game in a Cavs uniform?

If you think about it, it would be the perfect way to make Kevin Love relevant again for the first time in months, if not years (save all the shitty Hoopers commercials we’ve had to watch).

7. Will the Warriors crowd bring the thunder tonight?

A lot of people forget that The O and The Black Hole are right next to each other in Oakland. Just a bunch of lunatics sometimes compared to the maniacal, if not sad, souls at Madison Square Garden. Sure there will be a lot of loaded tech geeks from Google, Facebook, and Twitter there. But there will also be the typical riff raff of diehard Warriors fans and former Aviato employees screaming their faces off at a guy who complained about getting called a bitch despite doing this last series.

8. Will these two be doing it tonight?

Potentially, especially if the Cavs win.

9. Will Steph’s Instagram model admirer be in attendance tonight? And if so, will she be wearing something to grab peoples’ attention?

I hope so and I hope so.

10. If the Warriors win, what will be the best part of the night? Seeing a 73-9 team make history? LeBron crying? Or none of the above?

None of the above.