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Juan Uribe Took A 106 MPH Ground Ball Right In The Dick

A 106 MPH ground ball vs. Juan Uribe’s Coke Can. Trout vs Hog. The unstoppable force vs the immovable object. If this were any other man it surely would have been instant death. Get the body bag. Funeral on Tuesday. Cause of death – broken dick and balls.

Luckily this was no ordinary dick at the hot corner. Yea he may have needed to get stretched off but he’s only human. People ask why he wasnt wearing a cup and I cant believe the stupidity. You think there’s a cup in existence that can house that dick? Its like trying to fit an anaconda inside a Tupperware bowl. Dark Sexy has to let that swing like a grandfather clock and hope for the best. Usually it destroys everything in its path like Godzilla. Like I’d love to see Draymond try to punch this guy’s dick. He’d probably break his first. We’re not talking about Lebron’s floppy penis. We’re talking about a beast. But sometimes the right shot can slay the giant. That ball was like David taking out Goliath with his sling shot.

Pray for Coke Can.