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Burger King Testing Out The Whopperrito Is Red Flag City

How the mighty have fallen. Growing up, I always felt like McDonald’s and Burger King were the Coke and Pepsi of fast food. McDonald’s was clearly at the top of the food chain, but Burger King was scrapping its ass off to take Fat Ronald’s corner. Sure Wendy’s was good, but it wasn’t quite the force of the other two back then. The Burger King crown was the best giveaway this side of Happy Meal toys. The Whopper was a legitimate counterpart to The Big Mac. And The King was the best mascot in fast food history, and one of the best in mascot history, capped by his appearance a million times during every NFL Sunday and being a feature subject on The Mayne Event.

And then somewhere around the time Burger King said they created better fries than McDonald’s, BK started taking L’s. The King disappeared. #ChickenFries left the menu for years. And Burger King was relegated to some third tier fast food joint. I don’t know if it was some shitty executive that caused all of this to happen or the fast food gods were angered by Burger King disrespecting the good name of McDonald’s fries. But it has left Burger King in a pile of rubble. Look at what they are doing now. Selling hot dogs. Every person signs an unwritten agreement that they will not be upset with the quality of meat that they eat at a fast food joint. But hot dogs is the one food you should never EVER cheap out on. If you are eating lips and assholes, you better make sure it’s quality lips and assholes. And if you are eating hot dogs at a fast food chain, we know what their quality is. Burger King is like one of the most popular guys from your high school turning tricks for a couple of Parliaments. Not hard drugs or booze. But a couple of loose Parliaments.

Which leads us to the latest egregious decision, The Whopperrito. Stay in your lane, BK. I don’t need some sloppy ass love child of a 3 AM fuck session between Burger King and Taco Bell. Next thing you know, Burger King is going to talk about shedding carbs with the Whopperrito and go the healthy route. Stick to making things like the Rodeo Burger and commercials about chickens fucking french fries.

What happened to flame broiled greatness? What the fuck does flame broiled even mean? Regardless, if I want a burrito, I’ll go to Chipotle, QDoba, Moe’s, or another 8 million restaurants before I go to Burger King. If I want a cheap burrito with cheaper beef, I’ll go to Taco Bell. Hawthorne once said that families are always rising or falling in America. There is no reason this can’t apply to fast food chains as well. Get your head out of your ass BK before you go the way of Roy Rogers and the only time I see you is at random rest stops off of the highway.