Introducing Pornhub's Newest Way To Get Your Fat Ass Into Shape... BangFit

Now I know that as the resident Pornhub Comments guy you probably all expect me to blindly love everything that Pornhub throws our way. But let me just be the first person to say that this is a god awful idea. Maybe the worst idea ever. Because while in theory it may seem like a pretty great idea, the only thing you’re really doing here is setting yourself up for disappointment.

If having great, porn-star quality sex was easy then everybody would be doing it. For the majority of us, and I hope I’m not just projecting here, the expectation vs reality of sex are about as far off as could possibly be. Pretty much the same thing as the expectation vs reality of these SpongeBob popsicles…


… So now you want me to play a video game in which the objective is to fuck like a pornstar? Well that sounds like the hardest game ever created. Harder than Battletoads even. Unless there are cheatcodes for this thing, no chance in hell would I ever think about posting my scores to Social Media. You think I want to let my aunt and grandmother know that I suck dick at fucking pussy on Facebook? Shit no. Sex is supposed to be one of those things that we pretend we’re halfway decent at and leave it at that. The moment we start to attach actual stats to it and make it clearly evident that we suck, it ruins things for everybody.

P.S. – All of this was written under the assumption that some day I’ll find a girl who will willingly have sex with me.