After last week’s disastrous rock bottom, it is time to batten down the hatches and do whatever it takes to get Matt Harvey back on track. I haven’t heard of the Mets actually going through with chasing away the bad juju by burning everything in Harvey’s locker, so I guess it falls onto us Mets fans yet again. We have been told that Harvey is feeling just fine physically and that this is all mental. While that seems a little crazy given his stuff this year, I will choose to take the Mets and Ray Ramirez at their word. Nothing bad has ever come from doing that, right?
Anyway, if we are to believe that Matt Harvey’s struggles are truly mental and not physical, it is time to shake the bad vibes away. Positive vibes only from all of us. Goodbye Panic City, hello PVO City. So what I am asking all of us to do is to sacrifice a little bit tonight for Matt Harvey and ramp up your superstitions. No matter how weird they are. Sit in the lucky seat at your parents’ house even if you don’t live there anymore. Break out that lucky shirt or rally towel if necessary. I will be wearing a suit in the comfort of my own home and will tape a seven second video of half my face like a goddamn creep all for Matt Harvey.
If you don’t have any superstitions, that’s fine too. Just do something you usually wouldn’t do in the name of The Dark Knight. Hold your piss for the entire game no matter how much it hurts. Pack a massive lipper and give yourself a bloody nose. Join the mile high club with Connie Chung. We must do WHATEVER IT TAKES. Poor Matt is a Yankees and Patriots fan from Connecticut. He probably hasn’t seen a lot of hard times when healthy and is clearly scuffling going into a matchup against our biggest rival.
So it is time for us Mets fans to remind him that he is a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody. Do whatever you are going to do in the name of Matt Harvey and make sure to tweet me @TheClemReport with the hashtag #BringBackHarvey so we can all see the magic that is being done to raise our hero back from the dead (any pitcher on this staff that has an ERA above 4 is dead in my eyes). Tonight we are all Melisandre (the sexy one, not the old bag) and Matt Harvey is our Jon Snow. Lets bring this crazy motherfucker back to life.
And in case you need any more motivation, watch this chills-inducing hype video from fellow Stoolie and Mets fan Pete Pirone.