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Can't Decide If Lenny Dykstra Getting New Teeth Cause He Got Them All Knocked Out In Prison Is Extremely Hilarious Or Beyond Sad

AP – Dykstra filed the suit seeking unspecified damages against the county and several Sheriff’s Department employees, saying his head was slammed against the wall, his teeth were knocked out and he was kicked and beaten until he was “barely breathing.” The suit says the jail system, where a federal probe has led to 20 recent indictments of sheriff’s employees, is “fueled by abusive violence, and manipulated by hopeless liars.”

Most likely a happy medium. Dykstra’s elevator never went all the way to the top, but now that thing is just stuck in the basement with no hope of repair. You can’t deny a man from laughing at Lenny Dykstra smiling like an infant teething after getting all his chompers blown out in, as he describes it, the cooler. But I also feel, just, depressed. It’s tough looking at this once legendary specimen in drunk sweatpants having to lean up against the wall just to keep himself from keeling over. We all know Lenny Dykstra is a genuine dick. It’s been well documented in the past and he should reap what he sows. But should we simply sit back and enjoy these desperate attempts to monetize himself in some capacity? Because fire up your celebrity death pools now, ladies and gentleman. Nails is currently a dead man walking.

Whatever. I suppose never change, Lenny. Except for the whole stealing people’s money thing. Hopefully that part of the scumbag was knocked out in prison with the teeth.

PS – Just remembered this Dykstra interview on 97.5 awhile back. As classic as classic gets.

Full Interview Here – A MUST LISTEN

Charlie Sheen, perverts, porn, Vicodin. The works! But that’s Nails. Decades of grit, addictions and overall assholeness has resulted into this. An afternoon talking about whatever he wants on local radio followed by a paid appearance at Wildwood bar because fuck it. But that’s what we always loved about Dykstra. He tells it how it is and still wears his heart on his sleeve. Lenny also goes on to talk about his Vicodin addiction and how he “Put that white pill in his cereal in the morning” and “Had a pocket full of pills looking at the scoreboard in CF”. That combined with the alcohol and ‘roids means Lenny’s elevator might not go all the way up to the top anymore. Not like it ever got out of the basement in the first place.

Looking into someone’s eyes and calling them a “Missionary Man” may be the most emasculating thing that can happen to a grown man. Might as well call him asexual. And you better believe I’m calling cars “Sleds” from now on.