Feel free to sprinkle this in as the background music (but pause it whenever he falls back down and temporarily goes to sleep):
I have never seen a man take as much of a beating without landing any good shots, get as much shit talked at him by as many people, be completely punked out and yet I STILL came away thinking that he won the fight. Dude’s exactly like the Undertaker in WWE if the Undertaker wasn’t in good enough shape to do the sitting up thing and if he just got pinned all the time and if he had dangerous type 2 diabetes. And yes by conventional boxing rules or even just a basic eye test, this big man did not win the fight and, in fact, lost it in pretty one-sided fashion.
But fundamentally what’s a fight about? Beating up another person is a big part of it obviously but what it comes down to at its core is asserting your dominance over another human or group of humans. And while this dude both doesn’t know how to defend himself and has a Glass Joe caliber jaw, does it get more dominant than slowly walking like Jason Vorhees after a car that’s speeding away even though they’ve “won” the fight and talked shit about ten times over? They fled like ants every time he got up. I mean hell that last bit of beating was Passion of the Christ worthy and he STILL did that zombie walk after them. How can you not love that?
Overall, it’s a loss in every possible physical metric but a HUGE win on psychological warfare. This dude may die from brain bleeding but he’s 1-0 in my book.