Carson Wentz Has Officially Signed With The Eagles, Is Now A Very Rich Ginger

NFL.com – The Philadelphia Eagles have their quarterback of the future under contract. NFL Media Insider Ian Rapoport reported Thursday that Carson Wentz has agreed to a four-year contract with the team, per a source involved with the deal. Rapoport also reported that Wentz will receive a $17.6 million signing bonus. The second-overall pick in the draft, Wentz will compete with veteran Sam Bradford and backup Chase Daniel, who both inked new deals with the Eagles this offseason. With Bradford set to make $26 million guaranteed over the next two years, it’s possible Wentz will be placed in bubble wrap as a rookie.

Well it’s official now. At least the next half decade of our lives will be determined upon how far the Wentz Wagon will travel. Either it fords all the rivers to the promise land or eveyrone on board dies of dysentary before we reach Scott’s Bluff. Other than the straight cash homie this deal will be a 4-year with a 5th-year team option. Pretty standard. But screw the Target pen off of Howie’s desk. The amount this city now has invested in this kid he better sign that fucker in blood. Or at least one of those cool old school quill pens the 49ers have their signers use on their big contracts.

Somehow the #2 pencil I used to write out the last rent check doesn’t seem as dignified. These men are making fuck you money now, why not be a pompous dick? If you’re signing anything worth more than the Declaration Of Independence itself then you’re only allowed to leave your mark with a feathered pen used by John Hancock and ink from a giant squid that’s killed at least one man. Might as well make the millions official the best way possible.