Vladimir Putin Continues To Be The Best Hockey Player Not Currently In The NHL
Quick Context: Every year Vladimir Putin plays in a Russian hockey tournament that features players from Pavel Bure to Putin himself. And every year, Putin fucking KILLS it.
You’re going to be hearing a lot of names over this offseason. Guys like Auston Matthews, Patrik Laine, Alexander Radulov. All guys who, at one point or another, are going to be deemed “the best player not currently in the NHL”. Well let me stop all of you right there and right now and say everybody is wrong. Because if there’s one legitimate superstar in the sport of hockey today that’s not in North America, it’s Vlad Dawg Putin.
Shooters shoot and scorers score. The man just has a gift and knows how to put the fucking puck in the back of the fucking net. Is it a little embarrassing that a leader of a nation that is considered a “world power” is given the same treatment as a Make A Wish kid? Yeah, maybe. But when you have the resources to literally kill any goalie who stops any of your shots… well that makes you a pretty valuable asset to any team. Maybe if the Caps had Putin on their team, they could have finally found an answer for Matt Murray and then Vladi wouldn’t be the only Russian hoisting a trophy this year
The man is a gamer. He’s an X-factor out there and I wouldn’t be surprised to see some teams start pitching offers his way come free agency. Oh, and just as a reminder…
(Yes, I know that Patrick Kane also keeps the ear guards in his helmet but for the sake of the joke we’re just going to forget about that for now)
Also, whoever sharpened Putin’s skates before this game has already been killed since the time you started to read this post.
h/t BarDown