Fuck This Guy That Poisoned 15 Michigan Grocery Stores

CNNA man who went into multiple Michigan grocery stores and sprayed a poisonous mixture on open food is in custody, according to the FBI.

About 15 stores — including a Whole Foods Market and a Kroger — in Ann Arbor, Flint, Midland, Birch Run and Saline may have been targeted, according to the Washtenaw County Public Health Department.

Though the department says it has not received any “unusual reports of illness,” it says it’s received reports of vomiting and diarrhea that “are being actively investigated for possible connection to this incident.”

The suspect admitted to spraying a “potentially hazardous material” — a liquid combination of water, hand cleaner and mice poison — on produce in three stores within the past two weeks, the FBI said.



Poor Michigan. Water? Poisoned. Teachers? Won’t work. Nobody pays them. Economy? lol. Pro football team? lol. And now this — some psychopath running around spraying mouse poison in grocery stores.

Fuck this guy. What a gutless little turd. You want to hurl insults at people in online comment sections or throw twisted up ketchup packets at cars, that’s fine. That’s normal and that’s how you playfully get back at the world when it fucks you. But to go around spraying poison on fresh produce? Huge failure of the societal system. That’s our food man… like one of the few things we need to survive. Water, air, internet, tv, the faint hope that we’ll one day have sex again, and food. That’s it. You start messing with one and the whole system comes crashing down (Just look at what happens to people when their internet goes out/responds slowly. Complete breakdown.).

The good news? We’re clearly not dealing with much of a chemist here:

“While the risk for adverse health effects appears to be low, more investigation is being done to determine what level of exposure may have occurred,” said Dr. Eden Wells of the Washtenaw County Public Health Department.

Tough to poison 15 grocery stores and your worst damage inflicted is a little vomiting and diarrhea. That’s what happens to us every weekend morning. Not a big deal. What a failed loser.


PS – I know National Enquirer is taking some heat this week for the validity of their coverage, but hard to argue with this headline. Nailed it. Alliteration ftw.