Kevin Faulk Announces The Patriots 3rd Round Pick Like An Absolute Legend

The only way this could be better is if Faulk wore his elbow pads on stage then Rock Bottomed Goodell (who isn’t there anymore but whatever, go with it) then threw one of those into the stands before dropping a People’s Elbow on him. Just a fucking perfect move from a perfect man. The jersey, the swagger, the “… AND TOM BRADY,” the crowd booing…. it’s all amazing. I’m all boned up over here. Get Kevin Faulk his red jacket and get this man enshrined in the Patriots Hall of Fame right this second. While we’re at it, let’s hit him with the Medal of Honor too, just save everyone some time and kill two birds with one stone seeing as they’re both inevitable anyway.

And Joe Thuney, you’re a linebacker now. Sorry man, if that’s what Kevin says then that’s what you are, rules are rules.