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Gronk's Big Tinder Secret Is "Google Tinder Pick Up Lines"

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(ESPN)Patriots star Rob Gronkowski tried Tinder four years ago just for laughs, he says, “and I was matching like crazy!” I tell the “chickmagnet4life” — seriously, that was his AIM screen name — I’m not faring as well. It hits him like a bolt of lightning. “You’re not killing it?” Gronk says. “You’re not doing it right.” The tight end offers two fixes: First, make like Mozgov, “Swipe right on everything. Get the ball rolling.” Second, make like Dangerfield, “Make them laugh. Just Google ‘Tinder pickup lines.’” (Sample: You must be a dictator, cuz I have an uprising.)


First thing’s first: I love the “I use Tinder just for fun” people. No one used to believe that someone ordered Playboy just for the articles and no one believes that you’re on Tinder just for playful conversation with people you’re never going to meet. I don’t even like texting my friends, let alone strangers. Just admit that you’ve got the Fuck App to fuck random people. Everyone knows, no one cares.

Second, such a Casanova that Rob Gronkowski. I don’t really know why he needs a pickup line other than, “Hi, I’m Rob Gronkowski,” but I love that he’s big into pickup lines. I used to think those things were HYSTERICAL back in the day. No lie at recess my friends and I would just sometimes stand in a circle and swear or tell pickup line jokes. Is that a mirror in your pocket because I see myself in your pants. Want to go to my house and play army? I’ll lay on the floor and you can blow the hell out of me. There are 206 bones in the human body, want another? We were like 10 so we didn’t even really get them, we were just immature children who knew they were supposed to be funny.

Which leads me to my first point about no one being on Tinder “for fun.” For every rule there is an exception and I totally believe that Gronk is the exception here. He doesn’t need Tinder, he’s Gronk. There’s no doubt in my mind that he and his buddies huddle around the house and said dirty pick up lines to chicks then giggle innocently, like a couple of kids at a sleepover in an AOL lesbian chat. No one is on Tinder for fun except for Gronk. Gronk is.