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Dude Gets Sucker Punched In The Lower East Side For Looking Exactly Like Shia Labeouf


GothamistThis past weekend, Mario Licato had all the makings of a carefree Saturday. He’d met some friends for lunch, then repaired to a friend’s apartment in Cobble Hill for the afternoon. Around 8 p.m., he hopped on the F train by himself to go catch a show at Pianos on the Lower East Side. Getting off the train at Delancey Street, he ran into trouble. “I was walking up the stairs,” he remembers. “I had my head down—there were people in front of me—just to make sure I wasn’t going to fall.” He continued:

I didn’t even see the guy. I just see his fist coming towards me. It knocked me, and while I was falling down the stairs, all I hear was, “This is because you look exactly like Shia LaBeouf!”

Licato says he lost consciousness when he landed at the foot of the stairs, and when he came to his face was covered in blood, his glasses broken in half.

Sucker punching strangers is as low as it gets. Its seriously the most despicable of all human behavior. You can really, really fuck someone up if they arent expecting. This dude, wearing glasses, on a flight of stairs, getting cold cocked?? He could have fallen, hit his head, rolled down the stairs, and been dead.

All that being said, this dude looks A LOT like Shia Labeouf and when you look that much like that motherfucker you gotta have your head on a swivel at all times. Sorry, Mario. Those are the breaks. Mario has gotta wake up in the morning, look himself in the mirror, and be like “Yup. I look exactly like that douchebag. Might get punched in the face today.” I dont even want to call it a random act of violence because it wasnt even that random. It actually kinda makes sense. “Why’d you do that man!?!” “Because you look exactly like Shia Labeouf!” Oh. Alright then. Makes sense! Carry on!

Just consider it a hazard for the rest of your life, man. Tall people gotta duck to go through doorways. Hazard of being tall. Fat people can only wear certain clothes. Its a problem of being fat. People who look like Shia Labeouf might get punched in the fuckin face and any goddam moment.

So I’m sorry this happened to you dude. I’m glad you’re for the most part ok. But unless you change your face or something you can probably bank on this happening again.