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Some Thoughts On NHL Playoffs Scheduling From An Idiot

This could potentially become a regular thing, it could also potentially be the last time I do this. Anyway, if there’s a controversy in the NHL, then it’s my duty as an idiot with access to the internet and not as an actual hockey expert to tell you how you should feel about said controversy. And our newest issue with the Stanley Cup Playoffs came up last night as Blackhawks play-by-play announcer Pat Foley went on this long tirade about how ridiculous it is of the NHL to keep scheduling these late ass puck drops. Now NBCSN, who works in conjunction with the NHL in terms of scheduling (not 100% sure what that word actually means but it sounded right and smart so I’m going with it), obviously didn’t like Foley going in on their air waves. So right in the meat of Foley’s rant, they cut away to commercial break. And later in the night, after Patrick Kane scored the double-overtime game winner well past 1am eastern, Mike Milbury decided to go in on Foley as well.

One quick thing before we keep going here. Just wanna throw a big congratulations out to Mike Milbury who now actively holds the World Record for most consecutive days of being a douche bag. What an honor. But despite being a douche, I really don’t think Milbury is that out of line here. In fact–and I can’t believe that I’m saying this–I think he may actually be right and not wrong.

Here’s the thing about playoff hockey; if you’re a fan of the game and you do your due diligence as such, the 2 months of the Stanley Cup Playoffs are an absolute bender. You stay up way too late to watch a 10:30 puck drop between the Kings and Sharks, you barely get any sleep, you eat like shit mostly out of stress but mostly because you have an excuse to. You become a shell of a human being and you wear that as a badge of honor. If keeping up with the Stanley Cup Playoffs was easy, everybody would do it. I think Big Cat explains it the best. You wake up the next morning after staying up all night watching playoff hockey with a hangover even though you didn’t drink (or drink heavily). Again, that’s part of the allure to the playoffs. You can walk around the street the and see other people who are completely miserable and have an immediate bond with that person since you know you both sacrificed sleep to watch Patrick Kane do Patrick Kane things.

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I understand that an 8:42 local start time is a tough pill to swallow. I know it’s not exactly “ideal”. But it’s the only way to make sure that you can watch as many games as possible per night and not miss a single play. Imagine if every game started at 7pm regular people time. You’d miss so much. There’s less than 2 months left of the hockey season. Once the first or 2nd week of June passes by, it’s over until the World Cup. That’s the rest of June, all of July, all of August, most of September. All that time with no hockey. You have to soak up as much as you can right now while you still have a chance. And you can’t do that if everybody gets to have it their way and start whenever they want to start. So I’m sorry, Pat Foley, but maybe you should just think about loading up on Red Bulls and cocaine if you’re having so much difficulty staying up. That’s what most of the world does anyway.

Now this next part doesn’t really pertain to this specific issue. Actually, it would make this specific issue even worse,  but it is something that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time now…I’m pretty sure that it’s time for us, as Americans, to do away with time zones anyway. I’m not a complete monster. I understand Pat Foley’s frustration. Nothing is more difficult than when the Flyers go on a west coast road trip and you have to wait until 10 to watch them play against Anaheim. So just get rid of time zones and everybody’s happy. It would make the most sense logistically if the whole country went to central time since it would be in the middle of eastern and pacific. But fuck logistics. The whole country should move to Eastern Standard Time because EST makes the world go ’round. Just think about it from a world power standpoint. All of the money is in New York, all of the politics are in DC. Everything that matters is in the east. Sure, LA does plenty with entertainment but they’re all a bunch of hippie freaks anyway who could easily be bullied into switching time zones.

Long Story Short: Mike Milbury is a douche but I’d rather have to listen to him being a douche than miss out on playoff hockey because all of the games start at the exact same time. Time zones suck and Patrick Kane is a magician.

@BarstoolJordie