Here's EatDatPussy445's Surprisingly Calm, Logical Reaction To The Eagles Trade...Just Kidding He Blows An Artery While Sweating Gravy

That’s it. The Philadelphia Eagles has finally given EDP’s heart more stress than the local Golden Corral. And I thought my father was an emotional wreck. EatDatPussy445 is sobbing. Physically weeping while praying to a higher power asking why he deserves this kind of treatment. I’ve calmed down forced myself to become apathetic since the trade went down (if I didn’t I would be standing on the Walt Whitman as we speak), but I sincerely feel for EDP here. This is the sight of a broken man. And we need our EatDatPussy to be drinking his Haterade going into the draft or else it could be an even longer offseason for all of us.

#MakeEDPGreatAgain. I want our jovial, eccentric, sharting brother back on top again. Somebody get him to Subway so he can let one loose and get back to sending dick picks to the haters. Yessirrr.