Barstool’s Midweek Soccer Preview – The “Wait, What’s This? A Secret Merseyside Dærby!” Edition

Sam's Army4/20/2016 6:20 PM

Sam’s Completely Chumptastic Soccer Preview & Pick’em

Hello haters,

It has come to my attention that most of the New World, and by that I mean America, does not truly appreciate what Leicester is doing this season. I may have to go in more depth about this at some point in the very near future, or perhaps I’ll get too busy and/or caught up in the impending miraculous comeback by the Blackhawks run… whichever. But the point is that the mighty, mighty Foxes are on the verge of pulling off the single biggest Cinderella season – not just tournament run, but full-fledged season – in sports history.

Now, do I hope they choke?

Abbbbbbbbso-fuckin-lutely, but doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still acknowledge how astonishing they have been in the first 89.47% of this season.

By the way, lord help this geezer if they do collapse. Dude is an octogenarian and hasn’t learned not to thumb your nose at the soccer gods yet? What a dummy. Even Davey Pageviews/Shirtsales isn’t silly enough to pull this manoeuvre.

But enough of that, let’s get to the action on deck for today and tomorrow…

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ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE

For those confused about why some clubs are scheduled to play the next couple days and others are not, these are games that got postponed due to various other conflicts with things like the League and FA Cup. Since this is not a bonafide matchday though it doesn’t deserve a full recap of last weekend’s action, which can wait for Friday’s post. Instead, here is how things stand at the moment in the league table:

And here is the midweek schedule:

Note: massive draw from Newcastle yesterday in a game they legitimately could have – and perhaps should have considering City’s only goal was jussssssssst a bit offside (or Aguero was off by a mile, your pick) – won… but in my mind all the result does it beg the question why they haven’t been trying like that all season. And not just like here and there, but like ever. Club is way too talented to get relegated. Had they “found themselves” one game earlier and beaten Norwich they would already be sniffing safety. As it is though things are still dicey afffffffffff.

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PICKS OF THE (MID)WEEK

Handful of games on deck, including several with Champions League implications, but the match of the midweek still goes to the Merseyside Dærby, if only out of deference to historical import.

Liverpool (-170)
Everton (+440)
Draw (+320)

The dirty little secret of Merseyside Dærbies is that they have straight up STUNK lately. At least we got a couple of goals last time out. The time before that was a thoroughly unwatchable nil-nil pillow fight last February that Big Cat has still not stopped giving me shit about after dragged him out on a Saturday afternoon to watch it. On the other hand, some of you may still remember the last second Jagielka equalizer in September 2014, or the 4-0 thrashing by Liverpool in January 2014, or even the thrilling 3-3 draw the time before that. So as far as ebbs and flows go, we are basically due for a great game this time around.

Anyway, taking the piss out of Liverpool has become a favored past-time of mine ever since I started doing these blogs once it became apparent how thin-skinned a lot of you Reds fans are. At the same time, I respect that your perpetual state of butthurtedness comes from a level of passion that some fanbases lack. So are we friends again? Good, great, grand.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d be pretty nervous about this game if I were a fan… of Everton. Liverpool is playing their best ball of the season at the moment, including the rather remarkable 4-3 win over Dortmund followed by a squeaker to get by Bournemouth that had “trap game” written all over it. Shouts to Klopp & Co. for avoiding a letdown. Everton, on the other hand, is more talented than their 11th place spot in the table might suggest, but their inconsistent play makes them a nightmare for fans and betters alike. Also worth noting that it is hard to imagine manager Roberto Martinez keeping his job at this point unless he wins the FA Cup, which could perhaps play a role in his team selection coming down the stretch.

Both clubs are walking wounded at this point, with Liverpool missing guys like Henderson, Skrtel and Can, but getting a massive boost thanks to the continued absence of Benteke. Everton is missing Coleman and Jagielka in defense, while Baines is questionable, which should leave Coutinho, Firmino, Sturridge and/or Origi licking their lips.

I’ll probably sprinkle a little something on the draw because those odds are mighty nice, but official pick is Liverpool to win 2-1.

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Other games:

• United [-250] beat Aston Villa by one goal this past weekend, which is a loss in my book. Not a good look for a club that now finds itself nipping at the heels of both Arsenal and City for the fourth Champions League slot. The Red Devils’ biggest problem Palace [+800] – apart from the delusional nature of their fearless leader

Is that they still can’t score. I’ve been saying it for months, and while their recent results have papered over this problem, a festering herpes sore is still a festering herpes sore no matter much bacitracin and bandaids you try to cover it up with. The good news is that half of Palace’s would-be starting XI is in doubt for this one (eg, Ward, Ledley, Dann and Bolasie), so it’s tough to go with them in this. So it’ll probably be enough ugly win for LVG and all his adoring fanboys. United to win 1-0.

• Don’t look now but West Ham [-230] has drawn five of its last six games, a reflection of both a tough recent schedule and the club’s deep-seated phobia of success. The Hammers welcome a Watford [+650] side that had been in freefall until a recent draw with Everton and uninspiring 1-0 win over West Brom. I honestly don’t hate taking Watford with some points in this one, but despite their abject fear of winning important games, I’ll say West Ham wins 1-0 in this.

• Oh how the pseudo-mighty have fallen… Arsenal [-400] is playing on Spursday. Might they have to get used to that? The answer is yes unless they show some spine and pull out of their recent tailspin. However, as much as I haaaaaaaaaaaate picking all chalk, and as bad as the Gooners [-400] has been lately, West Brom [+1050] is the quintessential club that lacks the talent and speed to stick with them at the Emirates. Arsenal to win 3-0.